Today's Red Herring

Breaking News: Fish is now Dish

2007-06-19T12:37:00.001-07:00

Thanks so much, readers, for supporting this space. I've loved every bit of it.

For now, however, I can't justify the time spent. I'm afraid I've had to choose too many times between posting here, and doing what I should to move my career along.

The good news is, though, that I'll be researching and writing an article about once weekly for The Daily Dish, found at LoveOfTheGameProductions.com. It's in connection with the radio pregame show I produce, meaning it will be about baseball, and I can't say 'fuck.'

Short of that, though, I have full creative control, and if you care to join me, you'll get access to a few of baseball's most interesting honchos and back stories. Meanwhile, I hope you've enjoyed this be-finned flight of fancy.

Stay in touch.

-Zed

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“I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?”
-Douglas Adams

You dirty Jew! You big chicken!

2007-06-14T12:04:00.001-07:00

Okay, Red Herring to a dinosaur? He was just discovered in the Gobi, his name means "Egg-Stealer," and he's been called a sixteen foot chicken.

So why not.

Meanwhile, here in the City, there's a dirty City Supervisor named Ed Jew (a Chinese guy, and no, not a Jew.) What he's done is pretty unreal; that is, he's gone to great lengths to defraud everyone, and it seems so unnecessary. Love them politix.

-Zed

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"If we knew what we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
-Albert Einstein

Top what?

2007-06-11T13:53:00.000-07:00

The worst thing I've ever seen? How about this list of novels -- whose Top Ten feature no less than seven books by either Ayn Rand or L. Ron Hubbard.

Super Red Herring to these paste-eaters.

I've got a lot of work to do for school today, so I'll leave you with that.

-Zed

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"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes."
-Marcel Proust

All the medical news

2007-06-10T11:28:00.000-07:00

Little shout-out, and a fresh, crisp Red Herring today to NewsoftheWeird.com, source for all your important medical news.

From today's edition:

A woman in Columbia University's hospital had her gallbladder removed in March not by traditional abdominal surgery but by running instruments through her vagina, according to an April New York Times report. Doctors said that abdominal-muscle cuts are painful and slow to heal, and that surgeons are considering using the body's other natural openings, also, for some procedures. (In a landmark 2004 operation, doctors in India removed a patient's appendix through the mouth.) Still, a female New York University surgeon said the idea of gallbladder surgery through the vagina is "repulsive." [New York Times, 4-20-07]

In May, doctors at Schneider Children's Hospital in New York, operating on a 3-year-old girl, removed a brain tumor that had made her one of only a tiny number of people in the world to suffer from a syndrome that caused her to laugh uncontrollably when experiencing a seizure. Her mother described the girl's facial expression before the corrective surgery as similar to that of the Batman character the Joker. [Tampa Tribune-AP, 5-4-07]

Can you make this stuff up? I think you cannot.

-Zed

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"It is a wise man's part, rather to avoid sickness, than to wish for medicines."
-Thomas More

London 2012 logo II

2007-06-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

...Just to give you a better idea of how the London 2012 Olympic logo is meant to Move And Shake Its Thing.

Red Herring today goes to... who[m]ever thinks "its," above, should get an apostrophe.

London 2012 promo vid:

...And, just for fun, a little Presidential music video. Because you've earned it:

-Zed

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"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here."
-George W. Bush

MLB draft hits the air

2007-06-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

...And you know? It's not bad t.v. If you're into that kind of thing, of course. (And yes, you can actually watch live online.)

Peter Gammons, Steve Phillips, and Keith Law are sure a lot better than Mel Kiper, Jr. and whatever unfortunate mook gets to sit next to him.

And did you know? This is actually the first time the draft has been held anywhere. (It has customarily been conducted by conference call.)

As for the Giants pick: well, the draftniks love it -- you've got to like a big-bodied, projectable high school lefty nobody thought would go this high -- and Madison Bumgarner (pictured; surf's up!) is hands down the best name in the draft thus far.

As the first round winds down, the analysts have been extremely complimentary of the Giants three first-round picks. Stay tuned to ESPN2 for more.

Meanwhile: four of the A's starting pitchers are in the top 20 in the American League in ERA.

I'll give you a dollar if you can name them.

-Zed

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"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx

The day's look at sports

2007-06-06T13:50:00.000-07:00

In the NFL, the 49ers' Mike Nolan continues to lobby Reebok for the "right" to wear a suit on the sidelines, like his dad, former Niners head coach Dick Nolan.

The younger Nolan, by the way, is probably more popular around here than un-defeatable Mayor Gavin Newsom. The 49ers, on the other hand, continue to be an organization of jokers off the field. A colleague in the business recently told me her struggles to get important phone calls returned are par for the course.

In the NBA, much is being made of Lebron James' dunk over Tim Duncan. But Warriors fans know, it doesn't even compare to Baron Davis' de-pantsing of Andrei Kirilenko earlier in the playoffs. Hell, Duncan didn't even jump. Red Herring today to those media boofs -- represented today, because he's a good sport, by Charles Barkley.

(I'm obliged to say that Barkley, though a knee-jerk loudmouth, is not exactly a hardened criminal like some athletes you may hear about.)

Okay, take care of those tootsies.

-Zed

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"The NFL, like life, is full of idiots."
-Randy Cross

London 2012: in the pink

2007-06-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

The London 2012 Olympics has a new logo.

Revealed on the web today, the logo itself is, of course, perfectly hideous. But the idea is good: a logo that keeps moving (see YouTube for the introductory press conference) and can be used on mobile phones and whatever other multimedia we'll be toting around in '12.

Let us know what you think.

-Zed

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“In silence and movement you can show the reflection of people.”
-Marcel Marceau

Don't blame the Messenger

2007-06-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, yes I do have to weigh in on the Giants' recent message, bringing in Randy Messenger, and literally sending Armando Benitez back where he came from.

The G-men were victimized by their own lousy timing -- they pulled Ourmando off the trade table in spring training, when he was pitching well, and GM Brian Sabean either felt he wasn't being offered enough, or changed his mind on the big Dominican. Sabean also wasn't able to hold out until anywhere near the July 31 trade deadline, despite a market desperate for relief pitchers.

The Giants got a bargain: a nobody long-reliever, plus they're paying only $4.7 million of his $5 million salary. Which means, additionally, that if Armando ever does anything good in Florida -- seeing as the Marlins are paying him less than the Major League minimum -- the Giants were screwed there, too.

What's interesting is Sabean's mea no culpa. Apparently, he feels that the fans are now running his office.

Said Sabean:

Right now, as we speak, we're heading closer to last place than first place. I don't know that that was Armando Benitez's fault... We are at a crossroads in my mind, and apparently the fans, the press and some people in the clubhouse felt he needed to go.

And just like President Bush, or your high school gym teacher, the Giants' General Manager is obligated to do whatever you want him to do.

So, since Benitez already has more than enough Fish up on his wall (and now, 24 more in his clubhouse) a large, slappy-sounding Red Herring to Mr. Sabean, who bought high, sold low, and blamed the fans. (What you're watching is a formerly brilliant General Manager, slinking out the door.)

If any of this sounds familiar -- painting themselves into a corner, then getting the worst deal available out of desperation -- just think to yourself, $126 million, backloaded.

You know what? We're still better off.

-Zed

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"A hot dog at the ballgame beats roast beef at the Ritz."
-Humphrey Bogart

As the checked ball bounces

2007-05-31T11:47:00.000-07:00

Nice: FIFA doesn't consult Bolivia, Ecuador, Peru, or Mexico before banning higher-altitude sites for FIFA qualifiers. No word about them banning heat, or cold, or bad refereeing for that matter.

These are sites that have held such matches since time out of mind. On the other hand, their GDP are fractions, respectively, of Germany or South Africa (sites of the last and the next World Cup.)

In Tech, authorities say that their arrest of one man may produce noticibly less Spam in your inbox. Red Herring to one Robert Alan Soloway, since it's too late to get Karl Rove for his direct mail fodder.

Politics, politics, and soccer. Where's an Italian man crying for his mama when you need one?

The thing about Michael Vick and dog fighting is, the NFL recruits brutes, and turns them into animals. Ray Lewis? Pacman Jones? Bill Romanowski?

Bruce Jenkins suggests that these guys play together on the Bad News Bearz. I just hope Papa Sheffield can keep them away from Elijah Dukes.

And Mark Cuban and a Google exec want to challenge the NFL's supremacy? Iiinteresting...

-Zed

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"No thought, no idea, can possibly be conveyed as an idea from one person to another."
-John Dewey

Bush, Miss USA tougher than Armando

2007-05-30T12:31:00.001-07:00

George W. Bush talks tough, and sanctions Sudan for Darfur atrocities. It's not like the man thought of it himself, but still -- good to see.

Incidently, an obscure National Security Directive is passed, saying that in case of emergency, Bush becomes "Super-Mega Lord Decider?"

Dictator?

Oh, kay! In other news...

Why go to Stanford (or the Army) when you don't belong to Stanford (or the Army)?

Presumably because it's more expensive than Cal.

More in the South Bay: the 49ers are creeping closer to the $200 million mark -- in how much they're asking from the City of Santa Clara. If I were a Santa Claran, I'd be giddy, too -- but these things rarely work out well for the municipality.

Meanwhile, hard to stay off local baseball. Today's Red Herring goes to Armando Benitez, who at least seems like a decent guy. An overly sensitve guy, to be sure, with a heart of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (With apologies to Miss USA, who did a great job recovering after literally falling on her ass in the Miss Universe pageant.)

But last night's game typifies it -- up a run, it's Walk-Balk-Bunt-Balk to score the tying run, Home Run to end it.

End it. Please, Brian Sabean -- end it.

-Zed

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“The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.”
-Jacques Benigne Bossuel

Putting the "Eeeen" in Justine

2007-05-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

What you didn't know:

Justin.tv is a huge hit, one of those things you think you've heard about before, where a guy straps a camera to his head and airs it 24/7.

What sets Justin apart appears to be that he's a (1) interesting, bright (2) webby nerdy. I'm sure my roommate's a groupie.

What else you didn't know:

This girl -- aptly named Justine, the graphic designer daughter of, apparently, a gym teacher and a coal miner in Pittsburgh -- is the heir apparent star Justin Kan has been looking for (launching today, under the name "iJustine.") Yes, the ball cap has a camera on it.

Hey, after double-checking the photo, I might stop in for a few peeks.

-Zed

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"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other."
-Ann Landers

Greenland makes its point

2007-05-28T20:49:00.000-07:00

People who notice, have noticed that Greenland has started dumping twice as much as into the ocean lately. Meanwhile, the first thing Bush did was pull out of the Kyoto treaty.

If Bush, Sr. had pulled out, of course, we wouldn't have that particular problem...

And if you like a great conspiracy theory, here's another chance to click that Bush, Sr. link.

You mean a Bush and a Bin Laden were conducting a business meeting when the planes hit the towers?

Okay, enough of that. We've already established that Bush is the Red Herring record holder. Moments like this are why sports were invented.

But, seeing as I don't want to enter the Yankee-centric world of Jason Giambi's admission fallout or Roger Clemens presumed guilt...

Better yet, how about probing the artistic, semi-conscious recesses of the mind?

And that's what I have for you on a Tuesday morning.

By the way, want to hear the first-ever album from a 70-some year old music maven? Check out Peter Gammons' album. Not just for the novelty, it's a staple in my rotation.

-Zed

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"Don't play what's there, play what's not there."
-Miles Davis

Not the happiest baseball stories

2007-05-25T17:32:00.001-07:00

Litigious society meets drunk society:

As you may recall from a few weeks back, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock got drunk after a game and killed himself rear-ending a tow truck after midnight. A tragedy, to be sure, that shook a team already riled from Darryl Kile's sudden passing. And just look at what he did to that lovely car.

Now Hancock's father is suing the restaurant that served his son the drinks. On first blush, I don't have a great deal of sympathy for either side (legally). Most at fault is whomever knew about Hancock in enough time to help, which is why manager Tony LaRussa feels so bad...

Litigious society meets punk society:

As CBS Sportsline's Scott Miller tells us, troubled Tampa Bay rookie Elijah Dukes has found a unique way to stay in the majors: his last two minor league teams refuse to take him back.

Dukes, who allegedly texted his estranged wife, a schoolteacher, this photo (then told her to check her texts) also left her a message saying: Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshittin'. Your kids too, dawg... As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherfuckin' house.

Of course, Dukes also has eight home runs and the world's most powerful labor union behind him, so he's here until he Maurice Claretts himself out.

When I think of Tampa, I still think of the sad story of Doc Gooden. Why does no one have problems in Saint Pete?

-Zed

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"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."
-Joseph Stalin

My blood runs cold: Topps being sold

2007-05-25T11:29:00.001-07:00

It seems Topps, the venerable baseball card company, is up for grabs. It's too bad; our memories are being sold, as well (My angel is the centerfold!) I must say, I never did get the etopps concept -- real money paid for imaginary cards you can't turn over or stain with gum. For those wondering: this is what it means to grow up American.

Meanwhile, Upper Deck, in an effort to dominate the trading card market, actually made an unsolicited bid for the company well in excess of Michael Eisner's. Folks my generation still remember Upper Deck as the spiffy new kid on the block, which means -- hang on, I have to go take my Alzheimer's meds.

In politics, a record-setting 4,125th Red Herring to your president (I sure didn't vote for him), George W. Bush. Bush was warned by advisors that, after an Iraq invasion, Al Qaida would use Iraq as a recruiting ground, and Iran would try to leverage the region.

In the face of this evidence, Bush says he still "firmly believes the world is better off without Saddam Hussein in power." Making Bush the only president to live in a vacuum since Hoover.

Get it? Hoover.

-Zed

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“The enemy isn’t conservatism. The enemy isn’t liberalism. The enemy is bullshit."
-Lars-Erik Nelson

Wage hike quietly passes

2007-05-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

So, Congress approved -- and President Bush will sign the first federal minimum wage hike in nearly a decade -- a boost over more than $2 per hour.

The story provides an interesting, if confounding, glimpse at the American political process: Democrats pushed hard for it, and the White House against it (it's been decades since Republicans supported a wage boost) but in the end, the Dems stuck it on a "must-pass" bill, along with some business tax breaks the White House also doesn't like.

So in the end, you have Democrats approving tax breaks, and Republicans opposing them; an article that says Bush will sign despite disliking both measures involved (see which way the wind now blows?) because of a must-pass item that's not described at all.

If you're confused, hey, so am I.

Red Herring thrown straight up in the air. The guy cleaning it up now gets $7.25 for his efforts.

-Zed

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"It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor."
-D.H. Lawrence

Names in the news

2007-05-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

This is a blatant crib from NewsOfTheWeird.com. Red Herring to myself.

The 41-year-old woman charged with assault in February, in a suburb of Tampa, Fla., after she allegedly grabbed a high-heeled shoe and smacked her boyfriend in the head several times: Kari Barefoot. [Tampa Tribune, 2-11-07]

The name dog breeders apparently give to the increasingly common crossbreed of a shih tzu with a bulldog (according to a March story in London's Guardian): bullshih. [The Guardian, 3-10-07]

There's also a piece about marrying a goat that you should really check out.

Oh, and while we're having a goofy day:

CowsWithGuns.com

-Zed

QWTODFY
"Milk the cow, but do not pull off the udder."
-Greek Proverb

Humming at an end?

2007-05-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hummer Bummer?

The first private citizen to own a Hummer? My Governor and yours, Arnold Schwazenegger. (Dead Red Fish to that man.) And now there's word that someone, perhaps on his way to the dealership right now, will soon be the last.

Yes, you do remember me publishing a piece on this. Now it seems there were finally enough protests about the actual illegality of them on California roads, the immorality of their environmental impact, and-

...What?

Apparently that wasn't it.

Apparently, sales were down.

Oh, well. To borrow the title of the Giants' 1987 team video: Humm Baby, It Was Fun.

Virgin Airs:

It looks like Virgin America is finally American enough for American lobbyists -- I mean, lawmakers.

Will non-American Richard Branson topple another industry?

Meanwhile, here I am, blogging to you (shh!) from the Giants press box. I'm actually watching two of the greatest centerfielders of all time -- Willie Mays and Condoleezza Rice -- chat each other up in owner Peter Magowan's box.

The presscateers all wanted to know whether the a crowd would boo Condi (line of the night: Condi is the woman Bush always hoped Colin Powell would become.) They never got the chance; she stayed safely off the JumboTron and in Willie's lap.

[Editor's note: they did get their chance when she left the game, escorted up Aisle 121 by her Secret Service detail, in the 8th inning -- to beat parking, presumably. The lefties did not disappoint, booing her roundly.]

Politics make strange bedfellows.

-Zed

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"I loved the game. I loved the competition. But I never had any fun."
-Carl Yastrzemski

Let's get stoned and play work games?

2007-05-22T00:16:00.001-07:00

Blogging from a Windows interface. This is weird...

And how about a big Red Herring to those with too much time on their hands, and not nearly enough hobbies. Yes, in yet another great example of irony, IBM has made a video game in which the user simulates the making of business software.

Yah.

OK, it actually sounds pretty cool -- it's skill-building, for one, which you can't exactly say about Grand Theft Auto, and (get out those glasses) it's in 3-D.

It also sounds a darn sight more complex than the game we're playing for class, which I dare say is plenty hard enough.

Okay! How 'bout some sports, then!

It seems tech has come to the Olympics -- surely this has happened somewhere before, but this one has rockets. Apparently, in the event of rain, China plans to launch a ground-to-air attack against the offending cloud.

I'm thinking: Thor would have loved the Olympics.

By the way, thanks to all of you new crew for stopping by; it surely is appreciated. Just one question: where the heck is Petaling Jaya?

-Zed

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"The comic book [is] the marijuana of the nursery, the bane of the bassinet, the horror of the home..."
-John Mason Brown

What blogging is all about

2007-05-21T12:34:00.001-07:00

For those of you who haven't yet been exposed to this yet (and why have my numbers dropped in Manhattan... Matthew?!) you get to click this choice vid, right here, right now.

A friendly Red Snapper (we were all out of Herring) to OK Go, for making terrific use of user-generated sites, instead of bitching about privacy rights.

(Those who've already seen the vid, don't forget to go to YouTube or the OK Go site for Go-inspired user-generated dance routines!)

And, for those who missed it: the Bay to Breakers happened again.

It's like trying to explain the rain.

Or pizza.

-Zed

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"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

But cake is ironic?

2007-05-20T01:49:00.000-07:00

For those of you cribbing for Mrs. Williams' 6th grade English, a few examples of what's ironic:

The fact that Alanis Morissette's song Ironic is not ironic... is ironic.

The fact that Gmail has a spell-check function, which does not recognize the word "internet"... is ironic.

(A rare Red Herring Today to Google, who should bloody well know better.)

In Good Will Hunting, Robin Williams' character offers to buy Prof. Lambeau a drink at an upcoming reunion, and Lambeau retorts that drinks are free at such events. Williams responds, "I was being ironical."

By the way, if you for some reason (don't like horsey-faced women? Sheryl Crow will be angry) did not click on that Alanis link above, I'd really recommend reconsidering. Here's a consolation click.

Don't thank me now, with cake. Thank me later.

-Zed

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"If it's a big record, that's the frosting on the cake, but music's the main meal."
-Ray Charles

Obligatory Falwell-NASCAR post

2007-05-18T10:19:00.000-07:00

Jerry Fallwell died. Good thing Mark Morford always has something to say. Falwell, if you'll pardon the comparison, was to the Religious Right what Neil Young was to grunge.

Thanks, Jer'.

Not to speak ill of the dead, so I'll give him this: he was great as himself in The People Vs. Larry Flynt.

(Oops: that wasn't him!)

The WNBA enters its second decade trying to make news. How's this for news: whoopee-doo. We're all behind Title IX; it's just that if you're running it out there as professional sports now, we want it to be... um... entertaining.

In other news, broadcast golf and NASCAR still exist, so I'm obviously missing something.

Oh -- and speaking of sports that aren't interesting, have you seen the extra-weird cycling news today? The stage is the dirt-dry Floyd Landis doping hearings, and the scandal involves threats of revelations of sexual abuse of former champions... I'll let you read the piece.

Work's on overtime so I'm out for today. Peas.

-Zed

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"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
-Jerry Falwell

MLB Network is born

2007-05-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

This is big. Sen. Kerry: rescue us!

From Eric Fisher, who tracks such things for the Sports Business Journal:

MLB owners today approved the league's contracts with DirecTV and 35 other MSOs for the distribution of the Extra Innings out-of-market package and launch of the MLB Network. The channel, now carrying that name, has a planned start of January 1, 2009, with early plans to carry 26 live, non-exclusive MLB games on Saturday nights.

The network, jump-started by this year's often fractious negotiations with cable’s InDemand consortium and others, will launch in at least 46.9 million homes. That would make it by far the most successful channel start in cable TV history, surpassing MSNBC, which launched in '96 in 28 million homes.

...The channel is two-thirds owned by MLB, with 16.67% of the equity held by DirecTV and the remaining amount split proportionally between InDemand partners Comcast, Time Warner and Cox.

(Incidently, MLB just approved the sale of the Atlanta Braves to Liberty Media, who's all over DirecTV and pretty much everything else.

The NFL network has already had its ups and downs. MLB has done an awful lot of dealing on these topics in recent months; it will be interesting to see how this compares.

Time will tell.

-Zed

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"Television: A medium; so called because it is neither rare nor well done."
-Ernie Kovacs

This is my post - so nu?

2007-05-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

A couple simple links today from your humble blogger!

* No, David Eckstein is not Jewish. But if you listened to the Adam Sandler song, you'll know: Rod Carew is (he converted). Okay, so maybe Carew isn't.
http://jewishmajorleaguers.org/

The good news is, Carew can rest easy knowing Danny Glover will do a great job playing him in the biopic -->

* Google vs. Viacom: from the top turnbuckle, and you, the consumer, asked for it.

* Social Media Club meets tonight in San Francisco -- but is the (corporate) Townsend Street location a little suspect?

* I have to shout out baseball blogger Maury Brown by name -- follow the links for some cool "every stadium now being built" stuff -- including this billion-dollar Jerry Jones propoganda piece...

Red Herring on principle to Jones, the most self-important man this side of Curt Schilling.

* Surprised you have back problems so young? Don't be...

* Speaking of which, Grannies who are Gamers? Why not? My Granny's already a balla'!

* And, just for the heck of it: Tofutti Cuties! You had no idea that nasty-ass bean curd could be so good. Seriously, a head-scratchingly good snack any time!

And, you know; you could stand to lose a few.

-Zed

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“A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.”
-Elbert Hubbard

Chicago 2016 logo torched

2007-05-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

Breaking news:

It seems Chicago's successful (to date) 2016 Olympic bid has violated a simple rule: you can't say "Olympic," you can't show "Olympic," and you can't use any Olympic related imagery, basically ever.

The Oly's are extremely protective of their brand -- the better, of course, to put the squeeze on sponsors every two years -- and have asked Chicago to redo their logo, sans Olympic torch.

Said Chicago: "But I worked all afternoon on that!" No, seriously, do you realize how much design goes into that stuff?

A stanky Red Herring to whatever Chicagoan forgot to dot that 'i.'

Oh well -- for a bid proposing to build, and then tear down, an 80,000-person stadium in a matter of months -- I guess it could be worse.

And, in Tech:

News in the negative, as Apple is not delaying launch on its iPhone and Leopard releases later this year.

Kind of interesting that someone has apparently been able to send actual Apple-looking emails through actual Apple internal channels.

Stay tuned to find out whether iPhone reviews could possibly live up to the hype.

-Zed

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"I am building a fire, and everyday I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match."
-Mia Hamm

A blow for Wolfowitz

2007-05-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

...Which was also the headline for the Chronicle's online piece in which the Bush White House, in a rare move, is slowly distancing itself from the original "architect" of the Iraq War. I was hoping the "blow" was the kind that's guaranteed to cause a shitstorm in that particular arena.

(Just a thought: what do Iraqis call it? The War of American Aggression, or something like that. Which, if you think for even a moment, tends to confuse it with lots of other wars.)

In other War Czar news, the Bushies finally have a new one: one of those former generals finally said yes. A big Red Herring to Lt. Gen. Douglas Lute. Yes, its best to buy in low, and sell high. But when a spate of good military men start saying no to their president, you have to wonder why.

(Incidently, Lieutenant General? They couldn't find anyone with full rank?)

This one's oldish, but hey, I just found out about it: the family behind In-N-Out Burger, famous for treating their workers fairly and printing bible chapter and verse on their soda cups, have lost their matriarch. Will the company go corporate, and can it continue to stand apart?

In other business news, JetBlue has ridden an admirable business model to mid-sized success, but faces an identity crisis. After the ouster of the quirky entrepreneur who set them apart in the first place, another corporate question mark looms.

Why so much business today? Dunno. I did crib some of these ideas from class last night.

Tomorrow: half-naked girls dancing on tables.

Woo-hoo!

-Zed

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"You can drag a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
-Dorothy Parker (asked to use "horticulture" in a sentence)

Mooning over it all

2007-05-14T16:13:00.000-07:00

Thoughts over my Cheerios (no relation to Moons Over My Hammy)...

No real surprise: MySpace launches a dozen video channels...

Good company, bad company: in hindsight, Oracle got an absolute bargain on naming the Warriors' arena. For all the mentions of Oracle over national air in recent weeks, the Warriors actually see less than $2 mil a year...

And, just for the heck of it: Bill Clinton is making campaign ads for Hillary, while not bothering to hide his new squeeze. There's hope yet for Newsom.

Rest easy.

-Zed

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"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."
-Dave Barry

This one's right up my alley

2007-05-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

...Almost literally.

Yes, it's the growable mushroom house.

Where does he get this stuff?

Let's just say Google's targeted banner ads are even better than you think!

Odd Sighting of the Week:

A fun story over Thanh Long crab and garlic noodles for Mother's Day dinner last night. Apparently my sister went to an LGBT function recently (meaning lesbian, gay, yadda, and yadda) where she met, of all people, much-derided 49ers owner John York.

York was being led around by the fun-lovin', gay, proud new pappy and San Francisco Supervisor Bevan Dufty (don't tell him I said so, but lose the goatee).

A big Red Fish out of water here, as the erstwhile bungler -- meaning York, of course -- was said to look extremely out of place, and more than a little stiff.

It's a great image. Yellows, purples, plenty of house music, and presumably dabbles of meth all around.

This man was born a stiff. Then he grew up to be a pathologist.

-Zed

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"Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic -- ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision."
-The Mock Turtle, Alice in Wonderland

You did what to whom?

2007-05-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, so some of you know that I've been fighting Mac-based battles against a PC-based simulation game assigned for my class. I've finally managed to bridge the famed gap -- because the new Macs (you remember, with the Intel processors) can actually run Windows without a hitch.

Just one more thing that Mr. Mac can do, that Mr. PC cannot do in reverse.

You weekend techies can get this done one of (at least) two ways; both involve "partitioning" your hard drive. That's what it sounds like: you reserve some disk space (a minimum of 5 GB, up to half the drive or more; you control how much) to run the second platform, while your friendly, well-loved, vastly superior Mac OSX patiently snoozes.

Here's how:

Way 1: Download Mac's Boot Camp and install it. Once you've done this, you can hold down the Option key as your computer boots, and get a prompt asking if you'd like to run the Mac OS, or Windows.

Way 2: There's another program called Parallels that actually lets you run the enemy's OS from your desktop, as if it were a regular program.

And if you have one of the very newest Apples, the ones with the dual core processors, it will also wash, wax, and detail your car.

-Zed

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"Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works."
-Steve Jobs

WHAT?!

2007-05-12T11:41:00.000-07:00

WHAT?!

HOO-WHEE That's Funky!

To punctuate a deeply impressive performance (just watch the highlights!) Baron Davis unleashed the absolute smelliest dunk of the season over an astonished Andrei Kirilenko. Said Kirilenko (really): "At least I got on the poster."

You've got to think that, in the mind of both teams on today's off day, the Warriors have pocketed Game 4, and are happily back to figuring out how to steal one in Utah.

Meanwhile, with the game decided and the crowd already beside itself, Baron's dunk was a top-of-my-lungs statement, and perhaps the best signature moment since Vince Carter answered the musical question, "Who could leap over a seven-foot man in the middle of a game?" or John Starks' improbable playoff jam.

It's just insane what these guys can do.

-Zed

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“People ask me if I could fly; I said, 'Yeah.... for a little while.'"
-Michael Jordan

Alternative fuels: just the beginning

2007-05-10T17:44:00.000-07:00

Why would I read about a revolutionary new technology, said to be every bit as good as hybrids, and lament, "You know the oil industry is behind this?"

Because, quite simply, the "intelligent" (telematic) car is based on conventional fuel.

[Sure enough, I revisit the article for more details, and am delayed by a Shell banner ad!]

The way telematics work: they "look ahead" to predict and avoid traffic slow-downs and restarts. And of course, the more of these telematic cars are on the road doing this, according to Their calculations, the better they will work, until they've actually surpassed hybrids, although they look ahead only a few seconds.

It just goes to show you, They produce the bare minimum to consumers, until a competetive alternative comes up.

Again, more on this to come.

-Zed

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“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
-Oscar Wilde

Fewer bats, but they've got some balls

2007-05-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

Don't Take My Bat, Mister, Please!

One example of how baseball mirrors politics: the lobbyists from Easton, Rawlings, and other "ping"-inducing batmakers have gathered a formidable group of coaches and players to decry a New York City ban on metal bats.

The campaign -- shamelessly called "Don't Take My Bat Away" -- rankles purists and safety gurus by claiming there's absolutely no concrete reason to switch to wood. A supervisorial veto says otherwise... for now.

So which one am I?

With Barry Bonds within ten homers of Aaron's cherished record, the rhetoric is finally heating up. Says Curt Schilling, the world's foremost expert on everything: "There's good people and bad people."

After which he tucked in reporters with a "Nighty-night," and explained reasonably that their mommy still loved them very much and all the yelling was "just something grown-ups do"...

MLB to broadcast draft.

I grant you, this news is treated with the footnote status it deserves. Drafted players, with a few exceptions, are in no danger of seeing top-level exposure for two or three years; understandably, only the earliest part of the draft will be aired. Still, if you're the MLB and envy the NFL, you have to be happy with the news.

Commentary:

We've wondered this for years, but how is it that ESPN's Rob Neyer still has a job? Red Herring to the big, tough industry leaders who cower in the presence of a nerdy-enough stathead. Today's headline from Rob -- seriously: Adding Clemens Should Help Yanks.

And, in breaking local news: hot weather is hot.

Coming soon, by request, from a fat guy on a bike: alternatives to alternative fuels.

-Zed

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"My guiding principle is this: Guilt is never to be doubted."
-Franz Kafka

Clemens, other dinos unearthed

2007-05-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

MLS Earthquakes to partner with Niners? Stay tuned...

82-foot dinosauruses...

Clemens can be bought (for $28 mil, you could too)...

In local news, part of the downed freeway connector reopened today, roughly nine years faster than it did after the '89 Quake...

The Giants' Tim Lincecum was a college star a year ago; yesterday he struck out the side in his first major league inning. Of course, he was already down 2-0...

And that's a rap. Stay tuned for the 94-foot dinos tomorrow!

-Zed

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"Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it."
-John Naisbitt

Hill to Bush: your war deauthorized

2007-05-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hillary Clinton and the esteemed Robert Byrd have come up with a new way to combat the administration on Iraq: very simply, they've written a bill stating that the Senate's ill-advised authorization to invade in October 2002 shall expire after five years.

It postures the Seante as a deciding body again (since they blew it the first time) and means the administration can't talk about "pullouts" and "artificial timetables" without a measure of responsibility.

A five year old and stinky Red Herring to Congress, for rolling over doggystyle in the first place. But, this represents the best in election year maneuvering, if you ask me. It actually holds both sides more accountable.

-Zed

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"Your finest clothes are those you wear as soldiers."
-Virginia Woolf

You can't argue with results!

2007-05-02T21:47:00.001-07:00

In Your Sleep:

I'm actually really sleepy. So just trust me that this article on sleep is really interesting: [click.]

In Sports:

After a slew of injuries, the A's have become so short on outfielders, they actually traded "future considerations" for one last week -- Chris Denorfia -- who'd just had elbow ligament replacement surgery and is out for the season.

For more "future considerations" -- you can tell these are primo players, right? -- they picked up Ryan Langerhans from the Atlanta Braves on Monday.

Langerhans will, without question, go down as the worst player in A's history.

See, he joined the team in Boston and played Tuesday; he was hitless in four at-bats, including two strikeouts, and dropped a ball for an error in centerfield. After which he was traded away for another outfielder, Chris Snelling of the Nationals, the next day.

Snelling could actually develop into a player; he's a nothing-but-mash guy in the minors who's had a long series of serious leg injuries. Other than that, he could pay off -- but if he's a little jetlagged on arrival, he may not last long enough for us to find out.

Let's just be thankful they're not short on left-handed pitchers.

-Zed

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"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"
-Robert Browning

Yanks, Apple founder

2007-05-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

It seems Apple, who normally gets practically a free pass on security, is having major issues with QuickTime, its media player. It's bad enough that experts are worried that experts could use the company's recent fix of a gaping QuickTime-Javascript error to reverse engineer hacks, putting millions of iPod users at risk.

The U.S.-CERT gave the vulnerability a 10 out of 10 points in its risk-rating scale. That's before the fix/hack issue.

In Sports, Red Herring to a twenty-year-old hamstring. The 'string belongs to uber-prospect Phillip Hughes, who defied recent Yankee tradition by holding the Rangers scoreless and even hitless into the seventh inning, before succumbing to another recent Yankee trend, and leaving with the injury.

Yanks GM Brian Cashman: "We seem to be getting hit every day." Hughes could be out a month or more. This is part of why there was internal pressure not to summon the talented Hughes in the first place.

Meanwhile, improbable opening day starter Carl Pavano, languishing on the DL, continues to have credibility problems.

Chien-Meng Wang is the best thing they have going, not only from a baseball standpoint, but for international public relations. MLB continues to develop its Taiwanese interests, including a new website that doubles as a dry run for China. Stay tuned on this one; using Taiwan's western-friendlier enterprise to sidle up to the Chinese economy looks like a major strategy.

As for China itself: everyone's chasing the NBA on this one.

-Zed

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"My dear boy, if God had intended for us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates."
-Willy Wonka

Political football on steroids

2007-05-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

As columnists go, you gotta love SF Chron writer Gwen Knapp. This gem from her today, on the budding Mets' clubhouse steroid brouhaha -- which, by the way, could very well be the biggest thing since the original BALCO raid:

The Attorney General supports torturing people who have never been convicted of a crime, so why does the Justice Department balk at embarrassing an elite athlete? This isn't reasonable discretion. It's jock-sniffing. It calls to mind all the times that an athlete has been let off for a crime and then signed autographs for the judge and jury.

Excellent context. It reminds us that the Bud Seligs of the worlds... and the George Mitchells (former Senate Majority Leader now in charge of ferreting out alleged Bad Guys)... and the Federal Prosecutors are different animals, with very different motives and constituencies.

So when you ask, "Will they get Bonds," or, "Will they get anyone else" -- (and, hopefully, "Is anyone asking that last question?") -- remember that much of it depends on your definition of 'they.'

-Zed

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"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."
-Bill Clinton

SF 2020 Olympics

2007-05-01T01:47:00.000-07:00

http://kcbs.com/pages/400516.php?contentType=4&contentId=452074

An absolute, positive, guaran-goddamn-teed reality.

Oy vey.

-Zed

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"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx

This guy didn't study

2007-04-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

http://www.scribd.com/doc/5107/They-didnt-study

-Zed

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"Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: rich and thick."
-Samuel Beckett

Bay Area sports scene on the rise

2007-04-28T12:06:00.000-07:00

Let's start narrow and pan out.

For starters, of course, the Warriors had the Mavs completely dead from the opening tip last night, and the nation is finally starting to go, "Uh, what?"

The sea of yellow shirts was a truly gratifying sight.

The 49ers, it is said, will trade for SEA WR Darrell Jackson. A fourth round pick? That's a steal. This guy went for about 1,000 yards with 10 TD's last year. He and Ashlie Lelie, plus perhaps a draft pick, and Vernon Davis healthy? How nice for Mr. Smith.

Meanwhile, this year's draft (as well as next) will remind the older Faithful of the Bill Walsh "Genius" drafts of yore.

The Sharkies, of course are swimming through the playoff chum.

The A's are always in it, and the Giants sure look a sight better than a week ago.

Plus, the Earthquakes are on the way. (Yes, the Spartan Stadium deal appears dead, but Lew Wolff will stoke other embers.)

Of course, the whole sports world is bleeding into Silicon Valley, and away from the Area's known hubs.

But perhaps that's the price for continued success.

And for the rest of you... there's always JaMarcus Russell.

-Zed

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"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host."
-Gabriel Heatter

Living in XS

2007-04-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Think your house, apartment, or condo is too small?

I'm betting it's more than 40 square feet.

Yeah, 40.

And if you think yours is a tad pricey month-to-month, how's around a thousand bucks -- on down to a sale model for $20 -- out the door? So to speak, of course.

The website is TumbleweedHousing.com, and the builder is an artist-type named Jay Shafer.

I just got a little more ashamed of my closet.

And, in Literature, a wee dollop of Red Herring to the lady author who wrote an entire website on top of her refrigerator.

No, not really. She wrote some of it on her stove.

Who, me? Yeah, I'm creative. I spent the last two days filming a fat guy riding a bike.

-Zed

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"Housekeeping ain't no joke."
-Louisa May Alcott

Skateboard Holmes! says it all

2007-04-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

NBA:
Headline today: Kansas' Rush meets with Self. I guess he's preparing for the "refer to yourself in the third person" press conference.

Meanwhile, the Warriors find their own unique way of announcing they've given up on a game. How will they fare with their nose finally bloodied? I don't know, but I'll be sitting down front tomorrow night...

NFL:
Ever been thoroughly ashamed of a QB who runs a 4.4 40? Check out this ESPN story, in which you'll find this gem:

"The Humane Society of the United States has heard troubling reports for some time that Michael Vick has been involved in organized dog fighting, and we fear that this investigation may validate that very disturbing allegation."

No, Michael does not get a Red Herring. We're saving them all for the poor damn dogs.

Also: How does the NFL Draft get such insane coverage? Do you know it's April? Do you know what the show is? And yet, once again, you're perversely intrigued by Kansas City's fourth round options...

Finally, in local, a friend emails to complain about the writer of this rather bizarre piece, an ad hoc obit on a fellow by the handle of Skateboard Holmes.

Don't be offended, B-Money. Yes, it's an article on a fatality written in a disturbingly offhand way.

Little ol' Nevius left the sports section years ago, to be a Local Interest columnist several adorable years behind the story. He's harmless.

We should all -- even Skateboard -- be so blessed.

-Zed

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"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

A poliblog day

2007-04-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid it's one of those days. Red Herring to anyone with a tie and a campaign button. (I'm so glad I don't do this every day! My poli brother must be crazy.)

As Iraq defies the odds by worseneing, Democrats are looking at dragging Condi Rice into the Bush / Gonzalez / We finally have some politcal clout, so were getting political / hearings. Rice makes Hillary Clinton look like Carmen Miranda.

Bush handlers are claiming the President didn't know the truth about Pat Tillman's death. For just this sort of eventuality, one imagines.

The thing about the culture of fear, that leads to such apocolyptic satires as the many fine works of George Orwell, or 2005's V for Vendetta, is that it begins with real enemies.

-Zed

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"There are two kinds of light -- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures."
-James Thurber

Earthquake rumblings fall through

2007-04-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

It's unfortunate, I think, but talks between San Jose State University and the future San Jose / Bay Area / ?? Earthquakes appear to have died.

The Earthquakes, whose rights as a future Major League Soccer franchise are owned by Oakland A's honcho Lew Wolff, were trying to parlay a private real estate deal into a unique facility-share relationship with a state school.

I'm all for thinking outside the box (which is a penalty in soccer) but it appears this one was not meant to be. Wolff, whose fledgling 'Quakes share a South Bay office with the A's, has said all along he has other options, though this was clearly his favorite. Look out for more on how Wolff, a merely medium-sized magnate, tries to marry sports and real estate in a bid to make money from Silicon Valley interests.

For background: the Fremont A's are a done deal, and the Santa Clara 49ers a distinct possibility.

-Zed

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"People resent articulacy, as if articulacy were a form of vice."
-Frederic Raphael

Fart beats book

2007-04-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

Pretty sweet: a trussed-up Red Herring with the trimmings to Alec Holden, from Epsom in Surrey, England. (Why is it most places in England sounds like Hobbit lairs? Could it be that J.R.R. Tolkien was British?)

It seems Holden, born April 24, 1907, beat the system by betting with a bookmaker ten years ago that he would reach his hundredth birthday.

Says a rep for the bookie: "These age wagers are starting to cost us a fortune, and from now on we are going to push out the age to 110." (Yes, they've lost this bet before.)

Meanwhile, in Tech, a little company called Fon (backed by a bigger company called Time Warner) is spreading a new model to America.

It seems Fon's product, a little gizmo called La Fonera, allows users not only to log on, but to share their own bandwidth -- as much or as little of it as they like -- with passersby, neighbors, and so on, creating almost-free wireless hotspots anywhere.

The plan is an interesting response by Time Warner (and Skype/EBay, among other investors) to the phenomenon of cities (San Francisco has long discussed this) offering up free wi-fi to anyone within city limits.

Meanwhile, Fon actually took the liberty of distributing 6,000-odd devices to anyone who lived right by a Starbucks.

Far out, Daddy-O.

Also, more on the Pat Tillman investigation in CNN's headline story, here. Tillman's brother was a fellow Ranger, also deployed, but not on site when Pat went down.

And finally, a nice political cartoon today, in the Examiner, which is good to read sometimes, because people think you're smart if you have ink on your hands.

There's a big truck outside the White House, labelled "January 20, 2009." A voice from the White House says, "I hate artificial timetables."

Double half-caf latte with cinnamon soy sprinkles: $4.50.
Legal use of someone else's wireless (24 hours): $2.
Getting PA-AID for turning 100: Priceless.

-Zed

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"I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity."
-Bill Veeck

Today's fishy snippets

2007-04-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

Briefly:

Boris Yeltsin died.

Karl Rove is debating Sheryl Crow... um, seriously?

The Warriors triumphed.

Can the Giants really win nightly on shutdown starting pitching and a Bonds home run? As for eyewitness evidence, Bonds looks far more nimble than we've seen him the last two years.

And, just for the heck of it, NewsoftheWeird.

'Til soon,

-Zed

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"The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work."
-Robert Frost

Tillman truth seeping out

2007-04-20T12:36:00.000-07:00

Jesus. Red Fish all over the page today.

Today we revisit the Pat Tillman story, in which an NFL star and Army hero turns into a symbol for all that is wrong about politics and war.

Apparently as soon as Tillman was shot and killed by friendly fire, the Army calmly created a quarantine-style blackout around the entire Afghani base, designed to severely restrict the flow of information.

I blogged on this a few weeks ago, and will revisit it as the story develops. This is one of those things that don't take a lot of editorializing by me; if you can't figure out the significance... well, what do they say? If you don't know who the sucker is at the table, maybe it's you.

Meanwhile, it is now legal in Texas to shoot and kill someone, say, attempting to break into your car. (Thanks to the indomitable Mark Morford for that one.)

And in other news, for those of you who'd prefer to hear a Japanese man say "the fire would have been right under your buttocks," check out this bidet recall story.

Nice click there. Don't work too hard.

-Zed

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"Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off."
-Bill Veeck

McCain campaign la bomb-a

2007-04-19T11:37:00.000-07:00

Red Fish here. It seems we've gotten to the point where serious presidential candidates can joke about the next series of "pre-emptive" bombings, as John McCain made light of U.S.-Iranian tensions. (Click the link; Drudge posted the video.) That's right, he actually sang "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran" to the tune of the Beach Boys' Barbara Ann.

And you know what? It's pretty funny.

-Zed

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"We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap."
-Kurt Vonnegut

Yeah, they won't play in the rain

2007-04-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

But this is one of those wire stories that demonstrates why baseball is played differently from other sports. Red Herring to those who refuse to understand.

And then there are those occassional reminders that baseball appears slow... and then turns suddenly violent.

Had a late-night conversation on this last night. But just imagine: this is 162 games in a single summer. Imagine the shortstop being taken out on double plays, the catcher taking foul balls off the same thumb every night for seven months.

Quitcher whinin', football. At least our players do their own thinking.

-Zed

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"The best way to describe it is that I was throwing like a carousel when I should throw like a ferris wheel."
-Jonathan Papelbon, on changing his pitching motion in 2007 to protect his shoulder

We believe

2007-04-18T08:31:00.000-07:00

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"Every time you win, you're reborn; when you lose, you die a little."
-George E. Allen

Pandora rights waver; another Giant conspiracy

2007-04-16T17:36:00.000-07:00

First of all, those of you who are music buffs but haven't heard of customizable sites like Pandora, should definitely go check it out.

At present, they're being threatened by D.C.'s Copyright Royalty Board, and are looking for your support.

Now, to complaining about the Giants...

As you may recall, I blogged last week on the Giants' under-reported reduction in parking spaces. I haven't driven to a Giants game this year (remember how you used to be able to park for free by the driving range off 16th Street, when there was one?) but I did say I'd look into it further. So:

On March 27, just days before the season started, the Giants sent a disturbingly upbeat email to their season ticket holders. After a little throat-clearing about the area becoming increasingly developed, they reveal:

Starting this season, Parking Lot A will be the only dedicated parking resource for Giants season ticketholders and the number of spaces available for day of game parking has been substantially reduced.

You may be sure, the Port Authority, who operates the land, gave the Giants the opportunity to shell out and keep the spaces. Not only did the Giants decline, but what they did not do -- given the front office's cloak-and-dagger proclivities -- almost seems like a cover-up.

For one, the link I threw up last week still refers drivers to the over 5,000 parking spaces in Parking Lots A, B and C, and the March 27 email actually refers season ticket mooks (or isn't that how the G'ints think of them?) to their directions page, which also contains outdated, but more pleasing, information.

It's another big Red Herring for these guys. This is the same organization that had (along with the Seattle Mariners) the first interactive, almost open source website in baseball. They can't update one paragraph telling people where to park?

But, wait for it. Wait for the time when the Giants are 65-67, fighting for that last, miserable NL playoff spot against the Padres this fall. There's no sense complaining before the offending item reaches its apex.

Incidently, a really interesting article here takes you inside the mind of Salomon Torres -- beloved at 21, then hated; retired at 25; now, at 35, a successful big league closer.

Yep -- he's even better than Tyler Walker.

Around the city; around the globe

2007-04-15T13:49:00.000-07:00

Around the horn today.

From International:

Chicago has pulled something of an upset, being selected as the USOC's official entrant into the 2016 Summer Olympic bouillabaisse. It just goes to show, the door was wide open for San Francisco.

Will Chicago win the IOC bid? In a word, no. Chicago ain't exactly a breezy slab of beach, and despite an impressive downtown Renaissance, has little of the caché of America's coastal cities. What's more, practically all the major venues will be temporary, which runs contrary to the IOC's goals.

Forced to bet, and given that Rio has practically locked up the '14 World Cup, leaving them uninterested in the '16 Games, where would I place my money? How about Tokyo?

From National:

Bill Clinton came to San Francisco ("I jump at any chance to come back to San Francisco," he intimated; in seven-plus years, his successor has never been.) The former president, in a talk about health care, pointed out that the U.S. spends over $800 billion (a very hard amount to fathom, indeed) more than Canada or Switzerland on health care every year, yet insures fewer of its citizens, and ranks just 37th in the world in overall health care.

Said Clinton, "We are great about treating sickness, but we are lousy at keeping people well." It's an excellent point, and one you Sport Managers would also be wise to heed. Assuming, that is, that "free market" logic, which implies that this need will soon be met, holds true.

From Local:

In another free market battle, the S. F. Chronicle reports that San Francisco MUNI drivers are automatically -- it's in their contract -- the highest or second-highest paid drivers in the nation. Does this handcuff the City, and decrease the drivers' incentives to perform? Their union leader doesn't think so.

It's reminiscent of state-level problems, where decades of voter-approved ballot measures hogtie legislators every year before they even show up for duty. But that's okay. California, like San Francisco, is doing just fine.

And, From Sports:

Live in Oakland, Eric Chavez steals the unstealoffable Andy Pettitte blind. You love seeing stuff like that.

The A's are squaring off in another war against the Yanks... Warriors roaring towards the playoffs!.. Sharkeys already battling in the postseason... And the Giants... snowed-out doubleheader in Pittsburgh. And Barry Zito is said to be dating Hilary Duff.

Which is at least a little ironic, given that his honeymoon in San Francisco is officially over.

By the way, happy Jackie Robinson Day around baseball. There's a great article here, among the glut of Jackie Robinson anniversary pieces. Baseball failing to market its players as well as the other leagues? Absolutely.

You'll notice, every particularly clever or high-end commercial featuring a Derek Jeter, is actually done by Nike, or some such. Meanwhile, if Dontrelle Willis faces C. C. Sabathia in interleague play, there's the slimmest of chances that any black pitcher will start a game anywhere else on the continent.

Let's hope that Inner Cities program you keep hearing about -- in Compton -- is as good as advertised. The next three, so we're told, are already being built.

Percentage of African-American players in MLB in 1975: 27.5%. In 2007: 8.4%.

Let's keep working, folks. That Mays kid could play.

-Zed

"Be careful what you pretend to be, because you are what you pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut

Pacman and babies

2007-04-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

Pacman Benched

Much is being made about the NFL's new enforcement and suspension policy, in the wake of Adam "Pacman" Jones' season-long suspension from the Titans for one of the world's more immature acts oevr NBA All Star weekend in Vegas. Gwen Knapp, a source of good social insight, for a sports writer, weighs in.

As Knapp writes, you can take this as a move made either from strength or weakness by new NFL sheriff Roger Goodell. Pacman is simply underbred and overattended, hardly a first for a guy of his means, lifestyle, age, and background. So I'm intentionally crawling out on a limb, and giving the Red Herring here to black people.

It doesn't alight silky-smooth on the ear, does it. But there's a case. The best way to take the heat off me here would be to watch some Dave Chapelle. It's hard to say it better than he does. Plus he actually is black, so, you know.

Nestle Buys Gerber

...for five billions of dollars. For some chewed-up ex-tuna. Mmm.

My favorite Gerber story ("I got a million of 'em!") has to do with China.
See, there are so many people speaking different dialects in China, it's common practice to simply put a picture of the product on the packaging.

Imagine, then, the hubbub when those cute little Gerber bottles first hit shelves in the People's Republic.
Say it all together, now:

"Soylent Green is people! IT'S PEOPLLLLE!"

-Zed

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"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."
-Kurt Vonnegut

A very, very, very, very sad day

2007-04-11T22:23:00.000-07:00

Kurt Vonnegut has died.

A truly great man. Thanks for many great laughs, thoughts, and memories.

Rest in peace.

-Zed

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“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’ ”
-Kurt Vonnegut

Baseball notes, world(ly) observations

2007-04-11T13:06:00.000-07:00

First, notes from the world of baseball:

* A definite Red Herring to A's fans today. Given their choice of which highlights to watch on DiamondVision, A's fans applauded (least) for the Cardinals against the Pirates, (more) for the Astros against the Cubs -- which was not played, due to snow -- and (quite loudly) for ice fishing.

Ice fishing highlights? And yes, they then heartily cheered the highlight.

* Last night's Giants game: You heard it here first: if Adrian Gonzalez hits 32-35+ home runs this year, he could be a Hall of Famer. Armando Benitez: automatic.

* Both the Dodgers and the Giants are having major parking issues. A's attendees can't get consistent internet, even in the press box. Is this California? Or what? No wonder we can't touch the NFL.

The Giants story is an interesting one. Word is, the Port Authority wanted to bump the rates for the rights to some of their lots -- and the Giants turned them down. The Giants, then, start 2007 with about half the already meager total of parking spots they've had 'til now. Then the Giants chose to keep this development so quiet, I can't even confirm that it happened (which is why my link up there sucks; notice they "forgot" to update the figures.)

Keep an eye on this. I wasn't there, but the story I heard was, a lot of very unhappy Giants fans. If it's true -- and I can't say that it is -- it could serve as an exemplary story of an organization that's slowly eating itself from within.

In other sports news, charges are dropped against the remaining Duke lacrosse players. Rape is so tough to prove. Did they ever have a case?

And, in politics, I heard Rush Limbaugh railing against Nancy Pelosi today. (Did you know? Limbaugh and Braves General Manager John Schuerholz are good friends, dating from when both worked in the Kansas City Royals front office.) Anyway, Rush played Pelosi's audio byte, and while his point is actually well-taken (how can she claim to be relaying the "President's message," as Lantos and others assert a new Democrat foreign policy alternative?) Pelosi has at least assimilated some badly-needed advice from political linguists. Pelosi said "unified," "united," and, importantly for the donkeys, "consistent." The other words she said, surrounding those, don't much matter.

-Zed

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"You get whatever accomplishment you are willing to declare."
-Mal Pancoast

Quickie Giants Blurb...

2007-04-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

...with the promise of more diverse topics to come. (Indeed, before long there may not be a need.)

Basically, Bruce Jenkins called it in Spring Training: a fast start is more important to the Giants than any other team in baseball. Through six games: 1-5.

Jenkins resists the urge to say "I told you so," but predicts that the "angry thrill" of at-bats by the aged Mr. Bonds may be the only redeeming feature to many a game. He talks about how the Pirates and Rockies, among others, have outclassed the Giants from within -- fresh hitting, young pitching, and I'd rather not (as Bruce did not) talk about bullpens.

On a personal note, I'm now going to start working A's games. No, seriously.

-Zed

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"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
-Galileo Galilei

Giants Gamelog: vs. SD, Game 3

2007-04-05T19:16:00.000-07:00

{I see people doing it out there, so I'm going to try blogging the game, and see what comes up. Editor's note: Game written backwards, so to read chronologically, skip to the bottom.}

9:51 p.m.: Game. Look how happy Benitez looks, pointing to the sky when Cameron pops it up. It's hard to ride a guy for being emotional -- look at the smile on his face as Durham pockets it -- but it's like Krukow was saying about channeling your emotions. Yipe. Let's just lay off this topic and say Benitez aces the season.

Will this team hold true to its .333 record? Or will it hold to its recent one-game winning streak?

Only tomorrow will tell.

Tomorrow. Giants-Dodgers. Firday night. I'll be there.

What're you doing?

9:48 p.m.: Bard actually makes a key mistake, and gets away with it. For a headcase pitcher who enters with the lead and throws five balls in a row, if you swing, it'd better be exactly the pitch you were sitting on. But, karma being what it is, it drops anyway, and we're one hit from a barnburner.

9:47 p.m.: Ball one to Bard. He hasn't come close yet. I've just traded him to Kansas City for an A-ball left-fielder and future considerations.

9:46 p.m.: Walked on four pitches. Not even close.

Did I say dumb pitcher? A homerun is literally no worse than a walk in that situation. Fuck!

9:43 p.m.: I can't keep it to myself. That Bud Light ad is not only racist, not only a blatant ripoff of Cheech Marin in Born in East L.A. -- it's also exceedingly not funny.

OK. They're back. Let's end this thing. (Great, Gonzalez -- a smart hitter against a dumb pitcher. Luckily we're up four, and Gonzalez only makes three.)

9:36 p.m.: Wrong! Benitez was only trotting toward the bullpen, and won't be used unless Kline falters. And another boneheaded manager falls victim to the save statistic.

When Benitez blows a one run game in his first appearance, don't come crying to me.

9:34 p.m.: There it is. The first shot of Armando Benitez, fully warm, walking toward the dugout. The Giants being up by four right now might be one of the best things that happens to them all year -- seriously. It does a lot for Benitez's confidence, even if he drops a run or two. And, worst case scenario, if we've got a true disaster on our hands, we'll know now, instead of in six weeks.

My guess is, he's only lightly booed. San Francisco fans know their stuff, and must be aware not only of the painful hamstring comeback, but that the Giants really have no other relievers, and he had a great spring.

9:27 p.m.: That explains it -- Krukow says it's an all-new infield-outfield surface this year at the Phone Booth. I was wondering why Roberts, even before he made the diving catch, had dirt all down his jersey. You almost never see a major leaguer wearing the field.

For the rest of us, imagine playing on a field so nice that no matter how much you dive or slide, you don't get dirty.

9:20.m.: My setup man, Vinnie Chulk, throws to your cleanup hitter, Josh Bard. Whoopeedoo. Chulk's been all right since flying in from Toronto last summer. Is "Vinnie Chulk" Canadian for "Jim Brower?"

9:13 p.m.: I'm thinking that with a chance to come back, down in the count to a tough left-handed pitcher, Adrian Gonzalez looks ready to put something up the middle. Instead, he sees a filthy Jonathan Sanchez slider, one of the best pitches of the young season, and all he can do is hope it kills Molina on impact, so he can run to first base.

8:49 p.m.: Durham robs Adrian Gonzalez, snaring his liner and converting the one-hop throw. This is apparently Durham's game.

Two things here. One, if the announcers really want to laud Durham's defense for the young kids: he one-hopped the throw because it was either that or throw wildly, and if you throw wildly, you haven't given your first baseman a chance. The uncalled-for one-hop throw is an underrated, smart play.

And two, I still love Gonzalez's approach. Everthing hard off the bat, orientation always up the middle. A lot of what the Giants aren't, and don't.

8:43 p.m.: Back from the inevitable pitching change. You know, for popping up that meatball, Aurelia gets credited with a base hit and an RBI. Is the concept of a team error really so difficult?

8:38 p.m.: Aurelia pops up a fat one -- resulting in one of the weirdest plays you'll see. Kouzmanoff keeps backpedaling from third; Greene says nothing as he camps under it from short; and you can see it coming, and are just hoping the ball stays up long enough. Sure enough, they drop, and so does the ball. Another run scores, and the inning lives.

Klesko's RBI next is a given, I just didn't have time to write it. And the game has its personality.

This is too bad, in a way, because an opening sweep would mean available Dodgers tickets tomorrow night.

8:37 p.m.: Rayray laces one to right for two runs. There are plenty of knocks on Rayray, but I think everyone around here believes in him as a hitter.

8:34 p.m.: Rayray up with the bases loaded and two out, after a walk to Bonds. At 0-2, this is a good time for a "season in a nutshell" comment.

Incidently, it's fun to see a young pitcher -- and a rookie manager -- get rattled by a few ball-strike calls.

8:31 p.m.: Roberts absolutely eats up Hensley, five steps before Hensley releases the ball. I'm a big fan of the pre-pitch hip turn by a runner in his crouch, waiting to steal. The announcers are attributing it to Maury Wills.

I've heard Juan Pierre say it's one fewer thing you have to do before getting to full speed. Above all, of course, one must read the pitcher like the funnies. The holy grail for basestealers, though, is being able to push off your right (front) leg, instead of your left (trail) leg. Only someone extremely strong, like Rickey Henderson, can do that without leaning.

8:24 p.m.: Krukow says "anger really never helps a pitcher at all." I wonder if this is true. Granted, Krook is talking about channeling your emotions; presumably anger can be productive when channeled.

I think some guys -- say, Pedro -- can pitch better angry. Clemens, maybe; remember when he threw that broken bat at Piazza in the Series? In the moment, though, of a single pitch or two, I'd say it can only help if a pitcher is "trying to overthrow," when your batter's set up for a high-hard one, and the situation calls for a strikeout. Even then, you have to know what you're doing.

8:02 p.m.:I actually delay defrosting my dinner so I can watch Adrian Gonzalez hit. He's quickly becoming a favorite of mine: a hitter's hitter. Roberts looks mighty shaky camping under his fly. Or am I reading too much into all this?

7:48 p.m.: Matt Morris steps to the plate. I forgot to add the "bright side" part of my Sabean rant: Morris shaved the beard.

7:46 p.m.: Nice piece of hitting by Benjie Molina, who gets ahead of a slider. Is it possible the Giants have found a player who's slower than J. T. Snow?

7:32 p.m.: Bonds hits one off the B of A sign right of center. On a fly. That's 420 feet, and the ball simply doesn't carry here in April. What a monster shot -- and of course, as many great wrist hitters do, he looked like he was out on his front foot.

The spring after he broke the record, I saw Mark Kotsay, then of the Padres, catch not one, but two flies in the 421 crevice in the home opener. Most impressive outs you'll ever see. Probably not a lot of out-of-towners realize that Bonds should already be at 755.

7:25 p.m.: Incidently, I've been thinking. Why in the world is this the year Bonds hits third, instead of fourth? Aside, of course, from the obvious explanation that during Felipe's regime the G-men were unable to convince Bonds to do anything, and Felipe is now gone.

This is the one year you actually have two speed guys atop the lineup. So, what? One of them gets a walk or a single -- or they both do. Now you've got Bonds up, and if they run, it's first base open to walk Bonds. Meanwhile, your cleanup hitter is Ray Durham.

On the other hand, look around the National League. The regining Division Champs across the diamond feature Josh Bard batting cleanup; over in Saint Lou, the 0-3 World Champs are batting Yadier Molina fifth, and Molina had one of the worst seasons in baseball last year.

7:16 p.m.: Durham moves two steps to his right, somehow fails to set his feet in time, and since he is perpetually unable to bend over, the ball hits him in the leg. It doesn't bounce far, so he picks it up and throws to first in time.

In the booth, Krukow recommends that Little Leaguers watch Durham, who picked it up with his bare hand to make the throw.

7:07 p.m.: I'm thinking, what a weak lineup this is. They post the Giants defense first. The outfield involves a bad arm in right (Winn;) bad routes in center (Roberts;) and bad range in left (Bonds.) The right side of the infield -- Durham and Klesko tonight -- is brutal.

5:15 p.m.: It takes me a second to figure out that it's GM Brian Sabean being interviewed on talk radio. He's lamenting the lack of patience and poor situational hitting.

Gee, Brian, ya think? Yeah, it's about bat control.

This team is one Barry (whichever) away from being permanently sunk. Sabean, echoing the Chronicle's headline, describes Bonds as "frisky" on the bases.

-Zed

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"You see, you spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time."
-Jim Bouton

The 49ers love everyone

2007-04-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

...Which is why they're willing to move to Santa Clara, so Santa Clara can make $100 million in Niner-related economic impact. Is the Niners' claim valid? Doubtful. What evidence there is -- and it's admittedly ambiguous -- says teams, like Olympics, tend to make little or no money for their host cities.

On the other hand, the one thing you can count on about conventional wisdom, is that it will change before too long.

Download a .PDF of the report here.

-Zed

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"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."
-Mae West

John Kerry can relax

2007-04-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

Trivia Time:

[Q:] Who is the only player in baseball allowed to wear his particular uniform number?

Answer below.

Now, to Senator Kerry, currently leading the league in Red Herrings.

Because baseball has reversed its position, and thrown its Extra Innings super-package back on basic cable, as Kerry wanted, in a deal starting in 2009. From the ESPN story, which explains it better than I can:

Baseball announced an exclusive $700 million, seven-year agreement with DirecTV on March 8, but during a hearing last week in Washington, Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., pressed baseball to resume talks with iN Demand, which is owned by affiliates of Time Warner, Comcast and Cox.

If that only half clears it up for you, the Sports Business Juornal has some additional facts worth noting:

...Cable will wind up with an equity stake in the channel. The stake will be 16%, which will be equal to DirecTV. Originally, DirecTV agreed to take 20% of the channel, and it had to approve this deal. The deal means that at launch, the channel will have nearly 40 million homes, making it one of the most successful channel launches ever.

Whether any of this relates to Turner merging with Time-Warner, and AOL, and giving up the Braves, who are now being sold to Liberty Media, who owns large chunks of DirecTV... aw, who can tell? Let's just go with Kerry and say it's better that you can watch it on basic cable (although I'll now have to drop my DirecTV two years from now.)

Trivia Time:

[A:] Mariano Rivera (#42). Rivera is the only player still allowed to wear 42 regularly, under the grandfather clause of a rule instituted ten years ago, when Major League Baseball retired the number league-wide to honor Jackie Robinson.

-Zed

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"When one realizes that his life is worthless he either commits suicide or travels."
-Edward Dahlberg

Remember the "brain-dead hackers?"

2007-04-04T01:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, "Caribbean" ones -- that's the part that got three KNBR personalities fired -- "hacking at slop nightly." (Felipe Alou -- whose mind had turned to "Cream of Wheat," a pretty rough way to talk to a respected elder -- had a hand in the nasty process.)

Anyway, only a hundred and sixty-one more games of this, Giants fans:

I'm just saying... Giants 0-1; Torres and Nathan both record save #2. Welcome to seven more months of "I hope this bloody works."

-Zed

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"I'm afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery."
-Aldous Huxley

$elig rakes in the buck$

2007-04-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

Incidently, put a figure in your head, before you click to find out how much baseball Comissioner Bud Selig made in the last year available, 2005.

-Zed

Another California Olympics? Freed Bloggers? Free WiFi??

2007-04-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

(What year is it today?)

No, not LA 2016.

The Olympics in Tahoe? In 2018?

Hey, it's happened before. Who knows, maybe it will make the food at Kirkwood a little more palatable.

Plate of Pickled Herring all around.

Also...

By the way, for those following this kind of thing, blogger Josh Wolf, who filmed an anarchist rally in San Francisco at which a police officer was bashed in the skull -- has just ended his tenure as the longest-jailed journalist in U.S. history. Wolf has agreed to testify in federal court (which doesn't offer the "shield" protections written into California law) but only after the feds significantly weakened their demands.

Obvious implications from Plame to BALCO here. Oh, and the first... whatsit?... Uh-mendment.

Also...

Did you know Google offers you a whole WiFi kit and service for free? It's okay, they don't need money anyway... just to dominate the world.

I figure, it's my job as a blogger to coolly pass along discoveries like this... but as your friend, I promised to be as amazed and confused by them as you are!

Incidently, another surprise. My new phone, all of $30 from Sprint (yeah, yeah, the two-year contract) is not only super-thin but, among other things, actually acts as a modem whenever you're on the Sprint network. That's right, with nothing more than your phone and the USB cable that comes with it, your laptop (or desktop) now has "free" WiFi -- even without Google -- any time your phone has bars.

It's getting harder and harder to convince people I'm unreachable -- you know, in the event that I want to have a coffee with a friend, watch t.v., bathe...

-Zed

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"The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Ten Opening Day observations

2007-04-02T20:05:00.001-07:00

But first, around-the-horn musings for those of you who think "fantasy baseball" probably involves smooth jazz and a lot of jock straps.

1) Al Gore held the previous record (by a smidge) for most campaign money raised in the first quarter? Imagine if he had used Bill Clinton.

2) The latest from Google: they're not satisfied with just the internet. How about television.

3) OK, so this one is kinda baseball. But will John Kerry please shut the fuck up? (On a personal note, if you Google john+kerry+fuck+herring, My post is not even in the top ten. Either you're not doing your job by clicking me often enough... or our nation has a really wacky sense of humor. Or, you know: fish porn.)

And here's what we saw on Opening Day.

1) Everyone has hope today. The Royals beat the Red Sox.

2) The Invisible Yankee, Carl Pavano, was throwing some real good stuff.

3) The actual Giants haven't even played yet, but Joe Nathan and Salomon Torres both got saves.

4) Florida basketball goes back-to-back, in a smackdown match against Major League Baseball (not to mention Greg Oden's Buckeyes.) All I can think is, who the hell is Chad Paronto?

5) Trot Nixon batted second for the Indians, who plated 12. Trot's proper name: Christopher Trotman Nixon. (1-a: Travis Hafner hit an infield single??) Watch out for those Clevelands. ESPN's Jayson Stark says last year's dismal results were impossibly flukish.

6) I have homework I should be doing.

7) A lot of basestealing today. Guys who won't be running later. Spring is a time of rebirth! (For the Yankees: Damon, who left with both legs cramping, Abreu, and A-Rod? It seems difficult. What a long season.)

8) George Clooney does an awful lot of commercial voiceover work. Come out from behind that post, George. You're not fooling anyone.

9) Impossibly good news for my team, the Ham Fighters: Phil Rogers picks Bill Hall for NL MVP.

10) John Kruk is a living angel. You want to kiss the man. (Notice how his tie matches the bus.)

Okay, enjoy it, kids. Just 161 more of these babies to go.

Oh, and just because the internet can seem mighty amusing when you're procrastinating:

fish porn
fish porn
fish porn.

-Zed

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"I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile."
-Tom Clark

The $100 Laptop

2007-04-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

If a Red Herring is a bad thing, what would be the good equivalent? Some tartar sauce?

Whatever it is, today's unquestionably goes to the MIT coalition that has pioneered and built the $100 laptop. Much more than even a revolutionary marketing/pricing idea, this hi-def windup gizmo is meant to deliver First World know-how to Third World brains.

"OLPC" stands for One Laptop Per Child, which is like No Child Left Behind, except that it's about laptops, and it's not a wheelbarrow of horse dung. My roommate has actually toyed around with one of these things, so they're out there, if only in prototype form. It's the kind of idea that's so revolutionary, it should be absconded and polluted by corporate interests in no time.

Seriously, this is the kind of thing that could upend the entire retail industry -- even though it's intended for non-commercial distribution and use. (Remember the four kilobytes of storage space you used to get in your hotmail account? No matter whether you've switched to Gmail or not -- and you should, clearly -- Google's done you the favor of way ramping up industry standards for space.)

Check back on this one. Hopefully it's the one idea in the haystack... that really catches fire.

-Zed

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"You can't imagine how wonderful it feels to have written this score and not have to search all over the globe for that drunken little fag."
-Richard Rogers, on writing for No Strings without Oscar Hammerstein

Giants trade Jason Ellison

2007-04-01T21:17:00.000-07:00

Sadly, Brian Sabean wasn't willing to wait another seven years, when Ellison would have been 36 and thus eligible to start in San Francisco. Ellison is a Nice Guy, a hard worker, and probably not a Major League starter in any town this side of the Capital. Instead, he gets to go back home to Seattle, so everyone's happy on that front.

Ellison had a monster spring, which is perhaps how the Giants landed Travis Blackley in the deal. Blackley is hardly a star; his career Major League era is 10.04. But tracking backward, the guy looks pretty good: 8-11, 4.06 is commendable in the Texas League (2006), especially given that he completely lost 2005 to injury. The year before that, Blackley posted a winning record and an era in the 3's; and at age 20, he took that same Texas League for a ride: 17-3, 2.61.

Plus, Blackley (pictured here) is three things you rarely see enough of: he's young, he's lefthanded, and he's Australian.

Red Herring, let's hope, to those trading Blackley. Maybe he's the next Trevor Wilson, but that's not bad in exchange for a likeable never-wuz.

Incidently, Blakley's status may have been affected somewhat by the Mariners' decision to keep former Cal standout Brandon Morrow on the big club; Morrow has 16 whole innings under his belt since getting his degree in June.

OK, 'til soon.

-Zed

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"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
-Thomas Jefferson

Pat Tillman: Just another hack job

2007-03-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

If your reaction to my little headline is one of disgust, here's why: Tillman is an undeniably dynamic American figure.

Problem is, it's not Tillman himself who's the hack job. Rather, he's the subject of one.

News has broken stating that a prominent General warned President Bush about a week after Tillman was shot that his shooter was likely American. For those who don't remember, Tillman was the NFL safety who was killed in the line of duty. It seems that Tillman was awarded the Silver Star posthumously, between the time Major General Stanley McChrystal wrote his memo and the time Tillman's family was informed of its contents.

None of this would have even come to light, of course, except that the family has repeatedly refused to accept the official version, choosing instead (perhaps they're communists) to get real mad and demand more investigating. Now we have this memo.

Now, a man who was the symbol of the American spirit, has become a symbol of American bullshit.

Same man. It's certainly not his fault. Still a driven patriot. Still looks good in a beret.

It's the presidency that's changed.

No; that's not it. Same presidency.

It's just that after seven years... for some reason... people are starting to pay attention.

-Zed

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"There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking."
-Sir Joshua Reynolds

Snippin de what?

2007-03-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

Scroll down this important article for Dr. Kevin's full name.

Big Red Herring to Dr. Kevin's great, great, great grandfather.

-Zed

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"If you keep doing things like you've always done them, what you'll get is what you've already got."
-Unknown

Three U's Fewer

2007-03-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

Today's Herring is an easy one. At least, we know in whose general direction to hurl it in: Venezuela's.

Now, whether we're trying to hit corrupt government officials, or the disgraced Ugueth Urbina, is unclear. But one of them has behaved very badly.

Urbina (known as the only pitcher in Major League history with the initials U.U.U., not to mention the closer for the 2003 World Champion Florida Marlins, and a strong money pitcher generally) has been sentenced to 14 years in a Venezuelan prison for an incident at his ranch involving machetes, gasoline, and some deeply conflicting versions of events.

It's the feiry celebrity who had his minions butcher a handfull of strangers -- or, it's the corrupt South-of-the-border system that would end a man's career (and subject him to who-knows-what horrible conditions in that cell) in the desperate hope to squeeze every ounce of blood from the stone, bribe-arily speaking.

One suspects the system, the same one that allowed a pack of bandits to kidnap Urbina's mother just two springs ago and hold her for an eight-figure ransom. But events are fuzzy, and this one just doesn't have enough information for the Gringos to suss out. (Put it this way; Urbina's constant free-agent bouncing around -- and lack of affiliation with a deep-pocketed Major League franchise -- could conceivably cost him his life.)

The one thing we know is we can't blink our eyes and forget this one happened.

Oh wait.

Yes, we can.

-Zed

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"I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts."
-Bethania McKenstry

Will John Kerry please shut the fuck up?

2007-03-27T13:23:00.000-07:00

Welcome, kids, to my new blog. Don't forget, the old one was torpedoed by my own stupidity. So it can happen to anyone.

No, we won't be handing out fish carcasses on the daily. First off, we haven't got enough to go around, as the cat keeps eating them. But second, not everyone does something appropriately stupid every single day -- sometimes we have to talk about,y'know, smart stuff.

That said, Today's Red Herring goes to Sen. John Kerry (D-MA-DUH), who's gone on record again begging Major League Baseball to change the outlet for its Extra Innings subscription package. Okay, so the ludicrous spectacle of dragging Mark McGwire and co. in front of Congress worked; you still have to explain to me why the almost most leader of the freeish world has to bother persistently squawking about a small-time cable deal. Those doubting that MLB Advanced Media honcho Bob DuPuy (pronounced Do Pay, ironically) is more powerful than a member of the U.S. Senate, look no further.

As Family Guy son Chris Griffin scrawled on a wall while under the influence of his evil pimple, Doug: That's... enough... John... Mayer!

Or what have you.

Also newsworthy today:

The city of San Francisco continues to entice the 49ers with attractive alternatives to the Santa Clara alternative. (Click the link, and play this little game: find the sentence where John York pretends to care about the inhabitants of Bayview-Hunter's Point!)

Now, while it's true that, organizationally speaking, I wouldn't piss on the 49ers if they were on fire, what a nice little story to keep one of the world's most recognizable sports franchises in place. A little anti-climactic, yes, after the ne'er-was Olympic bid, but hey, no one knew about that at the time, so why lament it now?

Finally, you all are on notice: this blog is work. Work, I say (I'm sitting at work right now!) Therefore, you all must contribute by posting a comment now and then, or I'll shamelessly beg you to do so again. Hey, if it's good enough for Stephen Colbert...

-Zed

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"There are no stupid questions; only stupid people who ask questions."
-Chris Berman