Bush, Miss USA tougher than Armando

George W. Bush talks tough, and sanctions Sudan for Darfur atrocities. It's not like the man thought of it himself, but still -- good to see.

Incidently, an obscure National Security Directive is passed, saying that in case of emergency, Bush becomes "Super-Mega Lord Decider?"

Dictator?

Oh, kay! In other news...

Why go to Stanford (or the Army) when you don't belong to Stanford (or the Army)?

Presumably because it's more expensive than Cal.

More in the South Bay: the 49ers are creeping closer to the $200 million mark -- in how much they're asking from the City of Santa Clara. If I were a Santa Claran, I'd be giddy, too -- but these things rarely work out well for the municipality.

Meanwhile, hard to stay off local baseball. Today's Red Herring goes to Armando Benitez, who at least seems like a decent guy. An overly sensitve guy, to be sure, with a heart of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (With apologies to Miss USA, who did a great job recovering after literally falling on her ass in the Miss Universe pageant.)

But last night's game typifies it -- up a run, it's Walk-Balk-Bunt-Balk to score the tying run, Home Run to end it.

End it. Please, Brian Sabean -- end it.

-Zed

QWTOFDY
“The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.”
-Jacques Benigne Bossuel

Putting the "Eeeen" in Justine

What you didn't know:

Justin.tv is a huge hit, one of those things you think you've heard about before, where a guy straps a camera to his head and airs it 24/7.

What sets Justin apart appears to be that he's a (1) interesting, bright (2) webby nerdy. I'm sure my roommate's a groupie.

What else you didn't know:

This girl -- aptly named Justine, the graphic designer daughter of, apparently, a gym teacher and a coal miner in Pittsburgh -- is the heir apparent star Justin Kan has been looking for (launching today, under the name "iJustine.") Yes, the ball cap has a camera on it.

Hey, after double-checking the photo, I might stop in for a few peeks.

-Zed

QWTOFDY
"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other."
-Ann Landers

Greenland makes its point

People who notice, have noticed that Greenland has started dumping twice as much as into the ocean lately. Meanwhile, the first thing Bush did was pull out of the Kyoto treaty.

If Bush, Sr. had pulled out, of course, we wouldn't have that particular problem...

And if you like a great conspiracy theory, here's another chance to click that Bush, Sr. link.

You mean a Bush and a Bin Laden were conducting a business meeting when the planes hit the towers?

Okay, enough of that. We've already established that Bush is the Red Herring record holder. Moments like this are why sports were invented.

But, seeing as I don't want to enter the Yankee-centric world of Jason Giambi's admission fallout or Roger Clemens presumed guilt...


Better yet, how about probing the artistic, semi-conscious recesses of the mind?

And that's what I have for you on a Tuesday morning.

By the way, want to hear the first-ever album from a 70-some year old music maven? Check out Peter Gammons' album. Not just for the novelty, it's a staple in my rotation.

-Zed

QWTOFDY
"Don't play what's there, play what's not there."
-Miles Davis

Not the happiest baseball stories

Litigious society meets drunk society:

As you may recall from a few weeks back, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock got drunk after a game and killed himself rear-ending a tow truck after midnight. A tragedy, to be sure, that shook a team already riled from Darryl Kile's sudden passing. And just look at what he did to that lovely car.

Now Hancock's father is suing the restaurant that served his son the drinks. On first blush, I don't have a great deal of sympathy for either side (legally). Most at fault is whomever knew about Hancock in enough time to help, which is why manager Tony LaRussa feels so bad...

Litigious society meets punk society:

As CBS Sportsline's Scott Miller tells us, troubled Tampa Bay rookie Elijah Dukes has found a unique way to stay in the majors: his last two minor league teams refuse to take him back.

Dukes, who allegedly texted his estranged wife, a schoolteacher, this photo (then told her to check her texts) also left her a message saying: Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshittin'. Your kids too, dawg... As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherfuckin' house.

Of course, Dukes also has eight home runs and the world's most powerful labor union behind him, so he's here until he Maurice Claretts himself out.

When I think of Tampa, I still think of the sad story of Doc Gooden. Why does no one have problems in Saint Pete?

-Zed

QWTOFDY
"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."
-Joseph Stalin

My blood runs cold: Topps being sold

It seems Topps, the venerable baseball card company, is up for grabs. It's too bad; our memories are being sold, as well (My angel is the centerfold!) I must say, I never did get the etopps concept -- real money paid for imaginary cards you can't turn over or stain with gum. For those wondering: this is what it means to grow up American.


Meanwhile, Upper Deck, in an effort to dominate the trading card market, actually made an unsolicited bid for the company well in excess of Michael Eisner's. Folks my generation still remember Upper Deck as the spiffy new kid on the block, which means -- hang on, I have to go take my Alzheimer's meds.

In politics, a record-setting 4,125th Red Herring to your president (I sure didn't vote for him), George W. Bush. Bush was warned by advisors that, after an Iraq invasion, Al Qaida would use Iraq as a recruiting ground, and Iran would try to leverage the region.

In the face of this evidence, Bush says he still "firmly believes the world is better off without Saddam Hussein in power." Making Bush the only president to live in a vacuum since Hoover.

Get it? Hoover.

-Zed

QWTOFDY
“The enemy isn’t conservatism. The enemy isn’t liberalism. The enemy is bullshit."
-Lars-Erik Nelson

Wage hike quietly passes

So, Congress approved -- and President Bush will sign the first federal minimum wage hike in nearly a decade -- a boost over more than $2 per hour.

The story provides an interesting, if confounding, glimpse at the American political process: Democrats pushed hard for it, and the White House against it (it's been decades since Republicans supported a wage boost) but in the end, the Dems stuck it on a "must-pass" bill, along with some business tax breaks the White House also doesn't like.

So in the end, you have Democrats approving tax breaks, and Republicans opposing them; an article that says Bush will sign despite disliking both measures involved (see which way the wind now blows?) because of a must-pass item that's not described at all.

If you're confused, hey, so am I.

Red Herring thrown straight up in the air. The guy cleaning it up now gets $7.25 for his efforts.

-Zed

QWTOFDY
"It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor."
-D.H. Lawrence

Names in the news

This is a blatant crib from NewsOfTheWeird.com. Red Herring to myself.

The 41-year-old woman charged with assault in February, in a suburb of Tampa, Fla., after she allegedly grabbed a high-heeled shoe and smacked her boyfriend in the head several times: Kari Barefoot. [Tampa Tribune, 2-11-07]

The name dog breeders apparently give to the increasingly common crossbreed of a shih tzu with a bulldog (according to a March story in London's Guardian): bullshih. [The Guardian, 3-10-07]


There's also a piece about marrying a goat that you should really check out.

Oh, and while we're having a goofy day:

CowsWithGuns.com

-Zed

QWTODFY
"Milk the cow, but do not pull off the udder."
-Greek Proverb

Humming at an end?

Hummer Bummer?

The first private citizen to own a Hummer? My Governor and yours, Arnold Schwazenegger. (Dead Red Fish to that man.) And now there's word that someone, perhaps on his way to the dealership right now, will soon be the last.


Yes, you do remember me publishing a piece on this. Now it seems there were finally enough protests about the actual illegality of them on California roads, the immorality of their environmental impact, and-

...What?

Apparently that wasn't it.

Apparently, sales were down.

Oh, well. To borrow the title of the Giants' 1987 team video: Humm Baby, It Was Fun.

Virgin Airs:

It looks like Virgin America is finally American enough for American lobbyists -- I mean, lawmakers.

Will non-American Richard Branson topple another industry?

Meanwhile, here I am, blogging to you (shh!) from the Giants press box. I'm actually watching two of the greatest centerfielders of all time -- Willie Mays and Condoleezza Rice -- chat each other up in owner Peter Magowan's box.

The presscateers all wanted to know whether the a crowd would boo Condi (line of the night: Condi is the woman Bush always hoped Colin Powell would become.) They never got the chance; she stayed safely off the JumboTron and in Willie's lap.

[Editor's note: they did get their chance when she left the game, escorted up Aisle 121 by her Secret Service detail, in the 8th inning -- to beat parking, presumably. The lefties did not disappoint, booing her roundly.]

Politics make strange bedfellows.

-Zed

QWTOFDY
"I loved the game. I loved the competition. But I never had any fun."
-Carl Yastrzemski

Let's get stoned and play work games?

Blogging from a Windows interface. This is weird...

And how about a big Red Herring to those with too much time on their hands, and not nearly enough hobbies. Yes, in yet another great example of irony, IBM has made a video game in which the user simulates the making of business software.

Yah.

OK, it actually sounds pretty cool -- it's skill-building, for one, which you can't exactly say about Grand Theft Auto, and (get out those glasses) it's in 3-D.

It also sounds a darn sight more complex than the game we're playing for class, which I dare say is plenty hard enough.

Okay! How 'bout some sports, then!

It seems tech has come to the Olympics -- surely this has happened somewhere before, but this one has rockets. Apparently, in the event of rain, China plans to launch a ground-to-air attack against the offending cloud.

I'm thinking: Thor would have loved the Olympics.


By the way, thanks to all of you new crew for stopping by; it surely is appreciated. Just one question: where the heck is Petaling Jaya?

-Zed

QWTOFDY
"The comic book [is] the marijuana of the nursery, the bane of the bassinet, the horror of the home..."
-John Mason Brown

What blogging is all about

For those of you who haven't yet been exposed to this yet (and why have my numbers dropped in Manhattan... Matthew?!) you get to click this choice vid, right here, right now.



A friendly Red Snapper (we were all out of Herring) to OK Go, for making terrific use of user-generated sites, instead of bitching about privacy rights.

(Those who've already seen the vid, don't forget to go to YouTube or the OK Go site for Go-inspired user-generated dance routines!)

And, for those who missed it: the Bay to Breakers happened again.

It's like trying to explain the rain.

Or pizza.

-Zed

QWTOFDY
"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt