This guy didn't study

http://www.scribd.com/doc/5107/They-didnt-study

-Zed

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"Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: rich and thick."
-Samuel Beckett

Bay Area sports scene on the rise

Let's start narrow and pan out.

For starters, of course, the Warriors had the Mavs completely dead from the opening tip last night, and the nation is finally starting to go, "Uh, what?"

The sea of yellow shirts was a truly gratifying sight.

The 49ers, it is said, will trade for SEA WR Darrell Jackson. A fourth round pick? That's a steal. This guy went for about 1,000 yards with 10 TD's last year. He and Ashlie Lelie, plus perhaps a draft pick, and Vernon Davis healthy? How nice for Mr. Smith.

Meanwhile, this year's draft (as well as next) will remind the older Faithful of the Bill Walsh "Genius" drafts of yore.

The Sharkies, of course are swimming through the playoff chum.

The A's are always in it, and the Giants sure look a sight better than a week ago.

Plus, the Earthquakes are on the way. (Yes, the Spartan Stadium deal appears dead, but Lew Wolff will stoke other embers.)

Of course, the whole sports world is bleeding into Silicon Valley, and away from the Area's known hubs.

But perhaps that's the price for continued success.

And for the rest of you... there's always JaMarcus Russell.

-Zed

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"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host."
-Gabriel Heatter

Living in XS

Think your house, apartment, or condo is too small?

I'm betting it's more than 40 square feet.

Yeah, 40.

And if you think yours is a tad pricey month-to-month, how's around a thousand bucks -- on down to a sale model for $20 -- out the door? So to speak, of course.

The website is TumbleweedHousing.com, and the builder is an artist-type named Jay Shafer.

I just got a little more ashamed of my closet.

And, in Literature, a wee dollop of Red Herring to the lady author who wrote an entire website on top of her refrigerator.

No, not really. She wrote some of it on her stove.

Who, me? Yeah, I'm creative. I spent the last two days filming a fat guy riding a bike.

-Zed

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"Housekeeping ain't no joke."
-Louisa May Alcott

Skateboard Holmes! says it all

NBA:
Headline today: Kansas' Rush meets with Self. I guess he's preparing for the "refer to yourself in the third person" press conference.

Meanwhile, the Warriors find their own unique way of announcing they've given up on a game. How will they fare with their nose finally bloodied? I don't know, but I'll be sitting down front tomorrow night...

NFL:
Ever been thoroughly ashamed of a QB who runs a 4.4 40? Check out this ESPN story, in which you'll find this gem:

"The Humane Society of the United States has heard troubling reports for some time that Michael Vick has been involved in organized dog fighting, and we fear that this investigation may validate that very disturbing allegation."

No, Michael does not get a Red Herring. We're saving them all for the poor damn dogs.

Also: How does the NFL Draft get such insane coverage? Do you know it's April? Do you know what the show is? And yet, once again, you're perversely intrigued by Kansas City's fourth round options...

Finally, in local, a friend emails to complain about the writer of this rather bizarre piece, an ad hoc obit on a fellow by the handle of Skateboard Holmes.

Don't be offended, B-Money. Yes, it's an article on a fatality written in a disturbingly offhand way.

Little ol' Nevius left the sports section years ago, to be a Local Interest columnist several adorable years behind the story. He's harmless.

We should all -- even Skateboard -- be so blessed.

-Zed

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"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

A poliblog day

I'm afraid it's one of those days. Red Herring to anyone with a tie and a campaign button. (I'm so glad I don't do this every day! My poli brother must be crazy.)

As Iraq defies the odds by worseneing, Democrats are looking at dragging Condi Rice into the Bush / Gonzalez / We finally have some politcal clout, so were getting political / hearings. Rice makes Hillary Clinton look like Carmen Miranda.


Bush handlers are claiming the President didn't know the truth about Pat Tillman's death. For just this sort of eventuality, one imagines.

The thing about the culture of fear, that leads to such apocolyptic satires as the many fine works of George Orwell, or 2005's V for Vendetta, is that it begins with real enemies.

-Zed

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"There are two kinds of light -- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures."
-James Thurber

Earthquake rumblings fall through

It's unfortunate, I think, but talks between San Jose State University and the future San Jose / Bay Area / ?? Earthquakes appear to have died.

The Earthquakes, whose rights as a future Major League Soccer franchise are owned by Oakland A's honcho Lew Wolff, were trying to parlay a private real estate deal into a unique facility-share relationship with a state school.

I'm all for thinking outside the box (which is a penalty in soccer) but it appears this one was not meant to be. Wolff, whose fledgling 'Quakes share a South Bay office with the A's, has said all along he has other options, though this was clearly his favorite. Look out for more on how Wolff, a merely medium-sized magnate, tries to marry sports and real estate in a bid to make money from Silicon Valley interests.

For background: the Fremont A's are a done deal, and the Santa Clara 49ers a distinct possibility.

-Zed

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"People resent articulacy, as if articulacy were a form of vice."
-Frederic Raphael

Fart beats book

Pretty sweet: a trussed-up Red Herring with the trimmings to Alec Holden, from Epsom in Surrey, England. (Why is it most places in England sounds like Hobbit lairs? Could it be that J.R.R. Tolkien was British?)

It seems Holden, born April 24, 1907, beat the system by betting with a bookmaker ten years ago that he would reach his hundredth birthday.

Says a rep for the bookie: "These age wagers are starting to cost us a fortune, and from now on we are going to push out the age to 110." (Yes, they've lost this bet before.)

Meanwhile, in Tech, a little company called Fon (backed by a bigger company called Time Warner) is spreading a new model to America.


It seems Fon's product, a little gizmo called La Fonera, allows users not only to log on, but to share their own bandwidth -- as much or as little of it as they like -- with passersby, neighbors, and so on, creating almost-free wireless hotspots anywhere.

The plan is an interesting response by Time Warner (and Skype/EBay, among other investors) to the phenomenon of cities (San Francisco has long discussed this) offering up free wi-fi to anyone within city limits.

Meanwhile, Fon actually took the liberty of distributing 6,000-odd devices to anyone who lived right by a Starbucks.

Far out, Daddy-O.

Also, more on the Pat Tillman investigation in CNN's headline story, here. Tillman's brother was a fellow Ranger, also deployed, but not on site when Pat went down.

And finally, a nice political cartoon today, in the Examiner, which is good to read sometimes, because people think you're smart if you have ink on your hands.

There's a big truck outside the White House, labelled "January 20, 2009." A voice from the White House says, "I hate artificial timetables."

Double half-caf latte with cinnamon soy sprinkles: $4.50.
Legal use of someone else's wireless (24 hours): $2.
Getting PA-AID for turning 100: Priceless.

-Zed

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"I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity."
-Bill Veeck

Today's fishy snippets

Briefly:

Boris Yeltsin died.

Karl Rove is debating Sheryl Crow... um, seriously?

The Warriors triumphed.

Can the Giants really win nightly on shutdown starting pitching and a Bonds home run? As for eyewitness evidence, Bonds looks far more nimble than we've seen him the last two years.

And, just for the heck of it, NewsoftheWeird.

'Til soon,

-Zed

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"The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work."
-Robert Frost

Tillman truth seeping out

Jesus. Red Fish all over the page today.

Today we revisit the Pat Tillman story, in which an NFL star and Army hero turns into a symbol for all that is wrong about politics and war.

Apparently as soon as Tillman was shot and killed by friendly fire, the Army calmly created a quarantine-style blackout around the entire Afghani base, designed to severely restrict the flow of information.

I blogged on this a few weeks ago, and will revisit it as the story develops. This is one of those things that don't take a lot of editorializing by me; if you can't figure out the significance... well, what do they say? If you don't know who the sucker is at the table, maybe it's you.

Meanwhile, it is now legal in Texas to shoot and kill someone, say, attempting to break into your car. (Thanks to the indomitable Mark Morford for that one.)

And in other news, for those of you who'd prefer to hear a Japanese man say "the fire would have been right under your buttocks," check out this bidet recall story.

Nice click there. Don't work too hard.

-Zed

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"Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get three strikes, even the best lawyer in the world can't get you off."
-Bill Veeck

McCain campaign la bomb-a

Red Fish here. It seems we've gotten to the point where serious presidential candidates can joke about the next series of "pre-emptive" bombings, as John McCain made light of U.S.-Iranian tensions. (Click the link; Drudge posted the video.) That's right, he actually sang "Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran" to the tune of the Beach Boys' Barbara Ann.

And you know what? It's pretty funny.

-Zed

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"We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap."
-Kurt Vonnegut

Yeah, they won't play in the rain

But this is one of those wire stories that demonstrates why baseball is played differently from other sports. Red Herring to those who refuse to understand.

And then there are those occassional reminders that baseball appears slow... and then turns suddenly violent.

Had a late-night conversation on this last night. But just imagine: this is 162 games in a single summer. Imagine the shortstop being taken out on double plays, the catcher taking foul balls off the same thumb every night for seven months.

Quitcher whinin', football. At least our players do their own thinking.

-Zed

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"The best way to describe it is that I was throwing like a carousel when I should throw like a ferris wheel."
-Jonathan Papelbon, on changing his pitching motion in 2007 to protect his shoulder

We believe

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"Every time you win, you're reborn; when you lose, you die a little."
-George E. Allen

Pandora rights waver; another Giant conspiracy

First of all, those of you who are music buffs but haven't heard of customizable sites like Pandora, should definitely go check it out.

At present, they're being threatened by D.C.'s Copyright Royalty Board, and are looking for your support.

Now, to complaining about the Giants...


As you may recall, I blogged last week on the Giants' under-reported reduction in parking spaces. I haven't driven to a Giants game this year (remember how you used to be able to park for free by the driving range off 16th Street, when there was one?) but I did say I'd look into it further. So:

On March 27, just days before the season started, the Giants sent a disturbingly upbeat email to their season ticket holders. After a little throat-clearing about the area becoming increasingly developed, they reveal:

Starting this season, Parking Lot A will be the only dedicated parking resource for Giants season ticketholders and the number of spaces available for day of game parking has been substantially reduced.

You may be sure, the Port Authority, who operates the land, gave the Giants the opportunity to shell out and keep the spaces. Not only did the Giants decline, but what they did not do -- given the front office's cloak-and-dagger proclivities -- almost seems like a cover-up.

For one, the link I threw up last week still refers drivers to the over 5,000 parking spaces in Parking Lots A, B and C, and the March 27 email actually refers season ticket mooks (or isn't that how the G'ints think of them?) to their directions page, which also contains outdated, but more pleasing, information.

It's another big Red Herring for these guys. This is the same organization that had (along with the Seattle Mariners) the first interactive, almost open source website in baseball. They can't update one paragraph telling people where to park?

But, wait for it. Wait for the time when the Giants are 65-67, fighting for that last, miserable NL playoff spot against the Padres this fall. There's no sense complaining before the offending item reaches its apex.

Incidently, a really interesting article here takes you inside the mind of Salomon Torres -- beloved at 21, then hated; retired at 25; now, at 35, a successful big league closer.

Yep -- he's even better than Tyler Walker.

Around the city; around the globe

Around the horn today.

From International:

Chicago has pulled something of an upset, being selected as the USOC's official entrant into the 2016 Summer Olympic bouillabaisse. It just goes to show, the door was wide open for San Francisco.


Will Chicago win the IOC bid? In a word, no. Chicago ain't exactly a breezy slab of beach, and despite an impressive downtown Renaissance, has little of the caché of America's coastal cities. What's more, practically all the major venues will be temporary, which runs contrary to the IOC's goals.


Forced to bet, and given that Rio has practically locked up the '14 World Cup, leaving them uninterested in the '16 Games, where would I place my money? How about Tokyo?

From National:

Bill Clinton came to San Francisco ("I jump at any chance to come back to San Francisco," he intimated; in seven-plus years, his successor has never been.) The former president, in a talk about health care, pointed out that the U.S. spends over $800 billion (a very hard amount to fathom, indeed) more than Canada or Switzerland on health care every year, yet insures fewer of its citizens, and ranks just 37th in the world in overall health care.

Said Clinton, "We are great about treating sickness, but we are lousy at keeping people well." It's an excellent point, and one you Sport Managers would also be wise to heed. Assuming, that is, that "free market" logic, which implies that this need will soon be met, holds true.

From Local:

In another free market battle, the S. F. Chronicle reports that San Francisco MUNI drivers are automatically -- it's in their contract -- the highest or second-highest paid drivers in the nation. Does this handcuff the City, and decrease the drivers' incentives to perform? Their union leader doesn't think so.

It's reminiscent of state-level problems, where decades of voter-approved ballot measures hogtie legislators every year before they even show up for duty. But that's okay. California, like San Francisco, is doing just fine.

And, From Sports:

Live in Oakland, Eric Chavez steals the unstealoffable Andy Pettitte blind. You love seeing stuff like that.

The A's are squaring off in another war against the Yanks... Warriors roaring towards the playoffs!.. Sharkeys already battling in the postseason... And the Giants... snowed-out doubleheader in Pittsburgh. And Barry Zito is said to be dating Hilary Duff.

Which is at least a little ironic, given that his honeymoon in San Francisco is officially over.


By the way, happy Jackie Robinson Day around baseball. There's a great article here, among the glut of Jackie Robinson anniversary pieces. Baseball failing to market its players as well as the other leagues? Absolutely.

You'll notice, every particularly clever or high-end commercial featuring a Derek Jeter, is actually done by Nike, or some such. Meanwhile, if Dontrelle Willis faces C. C. Sabathia in interleague play, there's the slimmest of chances that any black pitcher will start a game anywhere else on the continent.

Let's hope that Inner Cities program you keep hearing about -- in Compton -- is as good as advertised. The next three, so we're told, are already being built.

Percentage of African-American players in MLB in 1975: 27.5%. In 2007: 8.4%.

Let's keep working, folks. That Mays kid could play.

-Zed

"Be careful what you pretend to be, because you are what you pretend to be."
-Kurt Vonnegut

Pacman and babies

Pacman Benched

Much is being made about the NFL's new enforcement and suspension policy, in the wake of Adam "Pacman" Jones' season-long suspension from the Titans for one of the world's more immature acts oevr NBA All Star weekend in Vegas. Gwen Knapp, a source of good social insight, for a sports writer, weighs in.

As Knapp writes, you can take this as a move made either from strength or weakness by new NFL sheriff Roger Goodell. Pacman is simply underbred and overattended, hardly a first for a guy of his means, lifestyle, age, and background. So I'm intentionally crawling out on a limb, and giving the Red Herring here to black people.

It doesn't alight silky-smooth on the ear, does it. But there's a case. The best way to take the heat off me here would be to watch some Dave Chapelle. It's hard to say it better than he does. Plus he actually is black, so, you know.

Nestle Buys Gerber

...for five billions of dollars. For some chewed-up ex-tuna. Mmm.

My favorite Gerber story ("I got a million of 'em!") has to do with China.
See, there are so many people speaking different dialects in China, it's common practice to simply put a picture of the product on the packaging.

Imagine, then, the hubbub when those cute little Gerber bottles first hit shelves in the People's Republic.
Say it all together, now:

"Soylent Green is people! IT'S PEOPLLLLE!"

-Zed

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"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."
-Kurt Vonnegut

A very, very, very, very sad day

Kurt Vonnegut has died.

A truly great man. Thanks for many great laughs, thoughts, and memories.

Rest in peace.



-Zed

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“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’ ”
-Kurt Vonnegut

Baseball notes, world(ly) observations

First, notes from the world of baseball:

* A definite Red Herring to A's fans today. Given their choice of which highlights to watch on DiamondVision, A's fans applauded (least) for the Cardinals against the Pirates, (more) for the Astros against the Cubs -- which was not played, due to snow -- and (quite loudly) for ice fishing.


Ice fishing highlights? And yes, they then heartily cheered the highlight.

* Last night's Giants game: You heard it here first: if Adrian Gonzalez hits 32-35+ home runs this year, he could be a Hall of Famer. Armando Benitez: automatic.

* Both the Dodgers and the Giants are having major parking issues. A's attendees can't get consistent internet, even in the press box. Is this California? Or what? No wonder we can't touch the NFL.

The Giants story is an interesting one. Word is, the Port Authority wanted to bump the rates for the rights to some of their lots -- and the Giants turned them down. The Giants, then, start 2007 with about half the already meager total of parking spots they've had 'til now. Then the Giants chose to keep this development so quiet, I can't even confirm that it happened (which is why my link up there sucks; notice they "forgot" to update the figures.)

Keep an eye on this. I wasn't there, but the story I heard was, a lot of very unhappy Giants fans. If it's true -- and I can't say that it is -- it could serve as an exemplary story of an organization that's slowly eating itself from within.

In other sports news, charges are dropped against the remaining Duke lacrosse players. Rape is so tough to prove. Did they ever have a case?

And, in politics, I heard Rush Limbaugh railing against Nancy Pelosi today. (Did you know? Limbaugh and Braves General Manager John Schuerholz are good friends, dating from when both worked in the Kansas City Royals front office.) Anyway, Rush played Pelosi's audio byte, and while his point is actually well-taken (how can she claim to be relaying the "President's message," as Lantos and others assert a new Democrat foreign policy alternative?) Pelosi has at least assimilated some badly-needed advice from political linguists. Pelosi said "unified," "united," and, importantly for the donkeys, "consistent." The other words she said, surrounding those, don't much matter.

-Zed

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"You get whatever accomplishment you are willing to declare."
-Mal Pancoast

Quickie Giants Blurb...

...with the promise of more diverse topics to come. (Indeed, before long there may not be a need.)

Basically, Bruce Jenkins called it in Spring Training: a fast start is more important to the Giants than any other team in baseball. Through six games: 1-5.

Jenkins resists the urge to say "I told you so," but predicts that the "angry thrill" of at-bats by the aged Mr. Bonds may be the only redeeming feature to many a game. He talks about how the Pirates and Rockies, among others, have outclassed the Giants from within -- fresh hitting, young pitching, and I'd rather not (as Bruce did not) talk about bullpens.

On a personal note, I'm now going to start working A's games. No, seriously.

-Zed

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"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
-Galileo Galilei

Giants Gamelog: vs. SD, Game 3

{I see people doing it out there, so I'm going to try blogging the game, and see what comes up. Editor's note: Game written backwards, so to read chronologically, skip to the bottom.}

9:51 p.m.: Game. Look how happy Benitez looks, pointing to the sky when Cameron pops it up. It's hard to ride a guy for being emotional -- look at the smile on his face as Durham pockets it -- but it's like Krukow was saying about channeling your emotions. Yipe. Let's just lay off this topic and say Benitez aces the season.

Will this team hold true to its .333 record? Or will it hold to its recent one-game winning streak?

Only tomorrow will tell.

Tomorrow. Giants-Dodgers. Firday night. I'll be there.

What're you doing?

9:48 p.m.: Bard actually makes a key mistake, and gets away with it. For a headcase pitcher who enters with the lead and throws five balls in a row, if you swing, it'd better be exactly the pitch you were sitting on. But, karma being what it is, it drops anyway, and we're one hit from a barnburner.

9:47 p.m.: Ball one to Bard. He hasn't come close yet. I've just traded him to Kansas City for an A-ball left-fielder and future considerations.

9:46 p.m.: Walked on four pitches. Not even close.

Did I say dumb pitcher? A homerun is literally no worse than a walk in that situation. Fuck!

9:43 p.m.: I can't keep it to myself. That Bud Light ad is not only racist, not only a blatant ripoff of Cheech Marin in Born in East L.A. -- it's also exceedingly not funny.

OK. They're back. Let's end this thing. (Great, Gonzalez -- a smart hitter against a dumb pitcher. Luckily we're up four, and Gonzalez only makes three.)

9:36 p.m.: Wrong! Benitez was only trotting toward the bullpen, and won't be used unless Kline falters. And another boneheaded manager falls victim to the save statistic.

When Benitez blows a one run game in his first appearance, don't come crying to me.

9:34 p.m.: There it is. The first shot of Armando Benitez, fully warm, walking toward the dugout. The Giants being up by four right now might be one of the best things that happens to them all year -- seriously. It does a lot for Benitez's confidence, even if he drops a run or two. And, worst case scenario, if we've got a true disaster on our hands, we'll know now, instead of in six weeks.

My guess is, he's only lightly booed. San Francisco fans know their stuff, and must be aware not only of the painful hamstring comeback, but that the Giants really have no other relievers, and he had a great spring.

9:27 p.m.: That explains it -- Krukow says it's an all-new infield-outfield surface this year at the Phone Booth. I was wondering why Roberts, even before he made the diving catch, had dirt all down his jersey. You almost never see a major leaguer wearing the field.

For the rest of us, imagine playing on a field so nice that no matter how much you dive or slide, you don't get dirty.

9:20.m.: My setup man, Vinnie Chulk, throws to your cleanup hitter, Josh Bard. Whoopeedoo. Chulk's been all right since flying in from Toronto last summer. Is "Vinnie Chulk" Canadian for "Jim Brower?"

9:13 p.m.: I'm thinking that with a chance to come back, down in the count to a tough left-handed pitcher, Adrian Gonzalez looks ready to put something up the middle. Instead, he sees a filthy Jonathan Sanchez slider, one of the best pitches of the young season, and all he can do is hope it kills Molina on impact, so he can run to first base.

8:49 p.m.: Durham robs Adrian Gonzalez, snaring his liner and converting the one-hop throw. This is apparently Durham's game.

Two things here. One, if the announcers really want to laud Durham's defense for the young kids: he one-hopped the throw because it was either that or throw wildly, and if you throw wildly, you haven't given your first baseman a chance. The uncalled-for one-hop throw is an underrated, smart play.

And two, I still love Gonzalez's approach. Everthing hard off the bat, orientation always up the middle. A lot of what the Giants aren't, and don't.

8:43 p.m.: Back from the inevitable pitching change. You know, for popping up that meatball, Aurelia gets credited with a base hit and an RBI. Is the concept of a team error really so difficult?

8:38 p.m.: Aurelia pops up a fat one -- resulting in one of the weirdest plays you'll see. Kouzmanoff keeps backpedaling from third; Greene says nothing as he camps under it from short; and you can see it coming, and are just hoping the ball stays up long enough. Sure enough, they drop, and so does the ball. Another run scores, and the inning lives.

Klesko's RBI next is a given, I just didn't have time to write it. And the game has its personality.

This is too bad, in a way, because an opening sweep would mean available Dodgers tickets tomorrow night.

8:37 p.m.: Rayray laces one to right for two runs. There are plenty of knocks on Rayray, but I think everyone around here believes in him as a hitter.

8:34 p.m.: Rayray up with the bases loaded and two out, after a walk to Bonds. At 0-2, this is a good time for a "season in a nutshell" comment.

Incidently, it's fun to see a young pitcher -- and a rookie manager -- get rattled by a few ball-strike calls.

8:31 p.m.: Roberts absolutely eats up Hensley, five steps before Hensley releases the ball. I'm a big fan of the pre-pitch hip turn by a runner in his crouch, waiting to steal. The announcers are attributing it to Maury Wills.

I've heard Juan Pierre say it's one fewer thing you have to do before getting to full speed. Above all, of course, one must read the pitcher like the funnies. The holy grail for basestealers, though, is being able to push off your right (front) leg, instead of your left (trail) leg. Only someone extremely strong, like Rickey Henderson, can do that without leaning.

8:24 p.m.: Krukow says "anger really never helps a pitcher at all." I wonder if this is true. Granted, Krook is talking about channeling your emotions; presumably anger can be productive when channeled.

I think some guys -- say, Pedro -- can pitch better angry. Clemens, maybe; remember when he threw that broken bat at Piazza in the Series? In the moment, though, of a single pitch or two, I'd say it can only help if a pitcher is "trying to overthrow," when your batter's set up for a high-hard one, and the situation calls for a strikeout. Even then, you have to know what you're doing.

8:02 p.m.:I actually delay defrosting my dinner so I can watch Adrian Gonzalez hit. He's quickly becoming a favorite of mine: a hitter's hitter. Roberts looks mighty shaky camping under his fly. Or am I reading too much into all this?

7:48 p.m.: Matt Morris steps to the plate. I forgot to add the "bright side" part of my Sabean rant: Morris shaved the beard.

7:46 p.m.: Nice piece of hitting by Benjie Molina, who gets ahead of a slider. Is it possible the Giants have found a player who's slower than J. T. Snow?

7:32 p.m.: Bonds hits one off the B of A sign right of center. On a fly. That's 420 feet, and the ball simply doesn't carry here in April. What a monster shot -- and of course, as many great wrist hitters do, he looked like he was out on his front foot.

The spring after he broke the record, I saw Mark Kotsay, then of the Padres, catch not one, but two flies in the 421 crevice in the home opener. Most impressive outs you'll ever see. Probably not a lot of out-of-towners realize that Bonds should already be at 755.

7:25 p.m.: Incidently, I've been thinking. Why in the world is this the year Bonds hits third, instead of fourth? Aside, of course, from the obvious explanation that during Felipe's regime the G-men were unable to convince Bonds to do anything, and Felipe is now gone.

This is the one year you actually have two speed guys atop the lineup. So, what? One of them gets a walk or a single -- or they both do. Now you've got Bonds up, and if they run, it's first base open to walk Bonds. Meanwhile, your cleanup hitter is Ray Durham.

On the other hand, look around the National League. The regining Division Champs across the diamond feature Josh Bard batting cleanup; over in Saint Lou, the 0-3 World Champs are batting Yadier Molina fifth, and Molina had one of the worst seasons in baseball last year.

7:16 p.m.: Durham moves two steps to his right, somehow fails to set his feet in time, and since he is perpetually unable to bend over, the ball hits him in the leg. It doesn't bounce far, so he picks it up and throws to first in time.

In the booth, Krukow recommends that Little Leaguers watch Durham, who picked it up with his bare hand to make the throw.

7:07 p.m.: I'm thinking, what a weak lineup this is. They post the Giants defense first. The outfield involves a bad arm in right (Winn;) bad routes in center (Roberts;) and bad range in left (Bonds.) The right side of the infield -- Durham and Klesko tonight -- is brutal.

5:15 p.m.: It takes me a second to figure out that it's GM Brian Sabean being interviewed on talk radio. He's lamenting the lack of patience and poor situational hitting.

Gee, Brian, ya think? Yeah, it's about bat control.

This team is one Barry (whichever) away from being permanently sunk. Sabean, echoing the Chronicle's headline, describes Bonds as "frisky" on the bases.

-Zed

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"You see, you spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time."
-Jim Bouton

The 49ers love everyone

...Which is why they're willing to move to Santa Clara, so Santa Clara can make $100 million in Niner-related economic impact. Is the Niners' claim valid? Doubtful. What evidence there is -- and it's admittedly ambiguous -- says teams, like Olympics, tend to make little or no money for their host cities.

On the other hand, the one thing you can count on about conventional wisdom, is that it will change before too long.

Download a .PDF of the report here.

-Zed

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"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."
-Mae West

John Kerry can relax

Trivia Time:

[Q:] Who is the only player in baseball allowed to wear his particular uniform number?

Answer below.

Now, to Senator Kerry, currently leading the league in Red Herrings.

Because baseball has reversed its position, and thrown its Extra Innings super-package back on basic cable, as Kerry wanted, in a deal starting in 2009. From the ESPN story, which explains it better than I can:

Baseball announced an exclusive $700 million, seven-year agreement with DirecTV on March 8, but during a hearing last week in Washington, Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., pressed baseball to resume talks with iN Demand, which is owned by affiliates of Time Warner, Comcast and Cox.

If that only half clears it up for you, the Sports Business Juornal has some additional facts worth noting:

...Cable will wind up with an equity stake in the channel. The stake will be 16%, which will be equal to DirecTV. Originally, DirecTV agreed to take 20% of the channel, and it had to approve this deal. The deal means that at launch, the channel will have nearly 40 million homes, making it one of the most successful channel launches ever.

Whether any of this relates to Turner merging with Time-Warner, and AOL, and giving up the Braves, who are now being sold to Liberty Media, who owns large chunks of DirecTV... aw, who can tell? Let's just go with Kerry and say it's better that you can watch it on basic cable (although I'll now have to drop my DirecTV two years from now.)

Trivia Time:

[A:] Mariano Rivera (#42). Rivera is the only player still allowed to wear 42 regularly, under the grandfather clause of a rule instituted ten years ago, when Major League Baseball retired the number league-wide to honor Jackie Robinson.

-Zed

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"When one realizes that his life is worthless he either commits suicide or travels."
-Edward Dahlberg

Remember the "brain-dead hackers?"

Yes, "Caribbean" ones -- that's the part that got three KNBR personalities fired -- "hacking at slop nightly." (Felipe Alou -- whose mind had turned to "Cream of Wheat," a pretty rough way to talk to a respected elder -- had a hand in the nasty process.)

Anyway, only a hundred and sixty-one more games of this, Giants fans:



I'm just saying... Giants 0-1; Torres and Nathan both record save #2. Welcome to seven more months of "I hope this bloody works."

-Zed

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"I'm afraid of losing my obscurity. Genuineness only thrives in the dark. Like celery."
-Aldous Huxley

$elig rakes in the buck$

Incidently, put a figure in your head, before you click to find out how much baseball Comissioner Bud Selig made in the last year available, 2005.

-Zed

Another California Olympics? Freed Bloggers? Free WiFi??

(What year is it today?)

No, not LA 2016.

The Olympics in Tahoe? In 2018?

Hey, it's happened before. Who knows, maybe it will make the food at Kirkwood a little more palatable.

Plate of Pickled Herring all around.

Also...

By the way, for those following this kind of thing, blogger Josh Wolf, who filmed an anarchist rally in San Francisco at which a police officer was bashed in the skull -- has just ended his tenure as the longest-jailed journalist in U.S. history. Wolf has agreed to testify in federal court (which doesn't offer the "shield" protections written into California law) but only after the feds significantly weakened their demands.

Obvious implications from Plame to BALCO here. Oh, and the first... whatsit?... Uh-mendment.

Also...

Did you know Google offers you a whole WiFi kit and service for free? It's okay, they don't need money anyway... just to dominate the world.

I figure, it's my job as a blogger to coolly pass along discoveries like this... but as your friend, I promised to be as amazed and confused by them as you are!

Incidently, another surprise. My new phone, all of $30 from Sprint (yeah, yeah, the two-year contract) is not only super-thin but, among other things, actually acts as a modem whenever you're on the Sprint network. That's right, with nothing more than your phone and the USB cable that comes with it, your laptop (or desktop) now has "free" WiFi -- even without Google -- any time your phone has bars.

It's getting harder and harder to convince people I'm unreachable -- you know, in the event that I want to have a coffee with a friend, watch t.v., bathe...

-Zed

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"The irrationality of a thing is no argument against its existence, rather a condition of it."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Ten Opening Day observations

But first, around-the-horn musings for those of you who think "fantasy baseball" probably involves smooth jazz and a lot of jock straps.

1) Al Gore held the previous record (by a smidge) for most campaign money raised in the first quarter? Imagine if he had used Bill Clinton.

2) The latest from Google: they're not satisfied with just the internet. How about television.

3) OK, so this one is kinda baseball. But will John Kerry please shut the fuck up? (On a personal note, if you Google john+kerry+fuck+herring, My post is not even in the top ten. Either you're not doing your job by clicking me often enough... or our nation has a really wacky sense of humor. Or, you know: fish porn.)

And here's what we saw on Opening Day.

1) Everyone has hope today. The Royals beat the Red Sox.

2) The Invisible Yankee, Carl Pavano, was throwing some real good stuff.

3) The actual Giants haven't even played yet, but Joe Nathan and Salomon Torres both got saves.

4) Florida basketball goes back-to-back, in a smackdown match against Major League Baseball (not to mention Greg Oden's Buckeyes.) All I can think is, who the hell is Chad Paronto?

5) Trot Nixon batted second for the Indians, who plated 12. Trot's proper name: Christopher Trotman Nixon. (1-a: Travis Hafner hit an infield single??) Watch out for those Clevelands. ESPN's Jayson Stark says last year's dismal results were impossibly flukish.

6) I have homework I should be doing.

7) A lot of basestealing today. Guys who won't be running later. Spring is a time of rebirth! (For the Yankees: Damon, who left with both legs cramping, Abreu, and A-Rod? It seems difficult. What a long season.)

8) George Clooney does an awful lot of commercial voiceover work. Come out from behind that post, George. You're not fooling anyone.

9) Impossibly good news for my team, the Ham Fighters: Phil Rogers picks Bill Hall for NL MVP.


10) John Kruk is a living angel. You want to kiss the man. (Notice how his tie matches the bus.)

Okay, enjoy it, kids. Just 161 more of these babies to go.

Oh, and just because the internet can seem mighty amusing when you're procrastinating:

fish porn
fish porn
fish porn.

-Zed

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"I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile."
-Tom Clark

The $100 Laptop

If a Red Herring is a bad thing, what would be the good equivalent? Some tartar sauce?

Whatever it is, today's unquestionably goes to the MIT coalition that has pioneered and built the $100 laptop. Much more than even a revolutionary marketing/pricing idea, this hi-def windup gizmo is meant to deliver First World know-how to Third World brains.

"OLPC" stands for One Laptop Per Child, which is like No Child Left Behind, except that it's about laptops, and it's not a wheelbarrow of horse dung. My roommate has actually toyed around with one of these things, so they're out there, if only in prototype form. It's the kind of idea that's so revolutionary, it should be absconded and polluted by corporate interests in no time.

Seriously, this is the kind of thing that could upend the entire retail industry -- even though it's intended for non-commercial distribution and use. (Remember the four kilobytes of storage space you used to get in your hotmail account? No matter whether you've switched to Gmail or not -- and you should, clearly -- Google's done you the favor of way ramping up industry standards for space.)

Check back on this one. Hopefully it's the one idea in the haystack... that really catches fire.

-Zed

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"You can't imagine how wonderful it feels to have written this score and not have to search all over the globe for that drunken little fag."
-Richard Rogers, on writing for No Strings without Oscar Hammerstein

Giants trade Jason Ellison

Sadly, Brian Sabean wasn't willing to wait another seven years, when Ellison would have been 36 and thus eligible to start in San Francisco. Ellison is a Nice Guy, a hard worker, and probably not a Major League starter in any town this side of the Capital. Instead, he gets to go back home to Seattle, so everyone's happy on that front.

Ellison had a monster spring, which is perhaps how the Giants landed Travis Blackley in the deal. Blackley is hardly a star; his career Major League era is 10.04. But tracking backward, the guy looks pretty good: 8-11, 4.06 is commendable in the Texas League (2006), especially given that he completely lost 2005 to injury. The year before that, Blackley posted a winning record and an era in the 3's; and at age 20, he took that same Texas League for a ride: 17-3, 2.61.

Plus, Blackley (pictured here) is three things you rarely see enough of: he's young, he's lefthanded, and he's Australian.

Red Herring, let's hope, to those trading Blackley. Maybe he's the next Trevor Wilson, but that's not bad in exchange for a likeable never-wuz.

Incidently, Blakley's status may have been affected somewhat by the Mariners' decision to keep former Cal standout Brandon Morrow on the big club; Morrow has 16 whole innings under his belt since getting his degree in June.

OK, 'til soon.

-Zed

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"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
-Thomas Jefferson