Breaking News: Fish is now Dish

Thanks so much, readers, for supporting this space. I've loved every bit of it.

For now, however, I can't justify the time spent. I'm afraid I've had to choose too many times between posting here, and doing what I should to move my career along.

The good news is, though, that I'll be researching and writing an article about once weekly for The Daily Dish, found at LoveOfTheGameProductions.com. It's in connection with the radio pregame show I produce, meaning it will be about baseball, and I can't say 'fuck.'

Short of that, though, I have full creative control, and if you care to join me, you'll get access to a few of baseball's most interesting honchos and back stories. Meanwhile, I hope you've enjoyed this be-finned flight of fancy.

Stay in touch.

-Zed

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“I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?”
-Douglas Adams

You dirty Jew! You big chicken!

Okay, Red Herring to a dinosaur? He was just discovered in the Gobi, his name means "Egg-Stealer," and he's been called a sixteen foot chicken.

So why not.


Meanwhile, here in the City, there's a dirty City Supervisor named Ed Jew (a Chinese guy, and no, not a Jew.) What he's done is pretty unreal; that is, he's gone to great lengths to defraud everyone, and it seems so unnecessary. Love them politix.

-Zed

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"If we knew what we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
-Albert Einstein

Top what?

The worst thing I've ever seen? How about this list of novels -- whose Top Ten feature no less than seven books by either Ayn Rand or L. Ron Hubbard.

Super Red Herring to these paste-eaters.

I've got a lot of work to do for school today, so I'll leave you with that.

-Zed

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"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes."
-Marcel Proust

All the medical news

Little shout-out, and a fresh, crisp Red Herring today to NewsoftheWeird.com, source for all your important medical news.

From today's edition:

A woman in Columbia University's hospital had her gallbladder removed in March not by traditional abdominal surgery but by running instruments through her vagina, according to an April New York Times report. Doctors said that abdominal-muscle cuts are painful and slow to heal, and that surgeons are considering using the body's other natural openings, also, for some procedures. (In a landmark 2004 operation, doctors in India removed a patient's appendix through the mouth.) Still, a female New York University surgeon said the idea of gallbladder surgery through the vagina is "repulsive." [New York Times, 4-20-07]

In May, doctors at Schneider Children's Hospital in New York, operating on a 3-year-old girl, removed a brain tumor that had made her one of only a tiny number of people in the world to suffer from a syndrome that caused her to laugh uncontrollably when experiencing a seizure. Her mother described the girl's facial expression before the corrective surgery as similar to that of the Batman character the Joker. [Tampa Tribune-AP, 5-4-07]

Can you make this stuff up? I think you cannot.

-Zed

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"It is a wise man's part, rather to avoid sickness, than to wish for medicines."
-Thomas More

London 2012 logo II

...Just to give you a better idea of how the London 2012 Olympic logo is meant to Move And Shake Its Thing.

Red Herring today goes to... who[m]ever thinks "its," above, should get an apostrophe.

London 2012 promo vid:



...And, just for fun, a little Presidential music video. Because you've earned it:



-Zed

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"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here."
-George W. Bush

MLB draft hits the air

...And you know? It's not bad t.v. If you're into that kind of thing, of course. (And yes, you can actually watch live online.)

Peter Gammons, Steve Phillips, and Keith Law are sure a lot better than Mel Kiper, Jr. and whatever unfortunate mook gets to sit next to him.

And did you know? This is actually the first time the draft has been held anywhere. (It has customarily been conducted by conference call.)

As for the Giants pick: well, the draftniks love it -- you've got to like a big-bodied, projectable high school lefty nobody thought would go this high -- and Madison Bumgarner (pictured; surf's up!) is hands down the best name in the draft thus far.

As the first round winds down, the analysts have been extremely complimentary of the Giants three first-round picks. Stay tuned to ESPN2 for more.

Meanwhile: four of the A's starting pitchers are in the top 20 in the American League in ERA.

I'll give you a dollar if you can name them.

-Zed

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"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx

The day's look at sports

In the NFL, the 49ers' Mike Nolan continues to lobby Reebok for the "right" to wear a suit on the sidelines, like his dad, former Niners head coach Dick Nolan.

The younger Nolan, by the way, is probably more popular around here than un-defeatable Mayor Gavin Newsom. The 49ers, on the other hand, continue to be an organization of jokers off the field. A colleague in the business recently told me her struggles to get important phone calls returned are par for the course.

In the NBA, much is being made of Lebron James' dunk over Tim Duncan. But Warriors fans know, it doesn't even compare to Baron Davis' de-pantsing of Andrei Kirilenko earlier in the playoffs. Hell, Duncan didn't even jump. Red Herring today to those media boofs -- represented today, because he's a good sport, by Charles Barkley.

(I'm obliged to say that Barkley, though a knee-jerk loudmouth, is not exactly a hardened criminal like some athletes you may hear about.)

Okay, take care of those tootsies.

-Zed

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"The NFL, like life, is full of idiots."
-Randy Cross

London 2012: in the pink

The London 2012 Olympics has a new logo.


Revealed on the web today, the logo itself is, of course, perfectly hideous. But the idea is good: a logo that keeps moving (see YouTube for the introductory press conference) and can be used on mobile phones and whatever other multimedia we'll be toting around in '12.

Let us know what you think.

-Zed

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“In silence and movement you can show the reflection of people.”
-Marcel Marceau

Don't blame the Messenger

Okay, yes I do have to weigh in on the Giants' recent message, bringing in Randy Messenger, and literally sending Armando Benitez back where he came from.

The G-men were victimized by their own lousy timing -- they pulled Ourmando off the trade table in spring training, when he was pitching well, and GM Brian Sabean either felt he wasn't being offered enough, or changed his mind on the big Dominican. Sabean also wasn't able to hold out until anywhere near the July 31 trade deadline, despite a market desperate for relief pitchers.

The Giants got a bargain: a nobody long-reliever, plus they're paying only $4.7 million of his $5 million salary. Which means, additionally, that if Armando ever does anything good in Florida -- seeing as the Marlins are paying him less than the Major League minimum -- the Giants were screwed there, too.

What's interesting is Sabean's mea no culpa. Apparently, he feels that the fans are now running his office.

Said Sabean:

Right now, as we speak, we're heading closer to last place than first place. I don't know that that was Armando Benitez's fault... We are at a crossroads in my mind, and apparently the fans, the press and some people in the clubhouse felt he needed to go.

And just like President Bush, or your high school gym teacher, the Giants' General Manager is obligated to do whatever you want him to do.

So, since Benitez already has more than enough Fish up on his wall (and now, 24 more in his clubhouse) a large, slappy-sounding Red Herring to Mr. Sabean, who bought high, sold low, and blamed the fans. (What you're watching is a formerly brilliant General Manager, slinking out the door.)

If any of this sounds familiar -- painting themselves into a corner, then getting the worst deal available out of desperation -- just think to yourself, $126 million, backloaded.

You know what? We're still better off.

-Zed

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"A hot dog at the ballgame beats roast beef at the Ritz."
-Humphrey Bogart

As the checked ball bounces

Nice: FIFA doesn't consult Bolivia, Ecuador, Peru, or Mexico before banning higher-altitude sites for FIFA qualifiers. No word about them banning heat, or cold, or bad refereeing for that matter.

These are sites that have held such matches since time out of mind. On the other hand, their GDP are fractions, respectively, of Germany or South Africa (sites of the last and the next World Cup.)

In Tech, authorities say that their arrest of one man may produce noticibly less Spam in your inbox. Red Herring to one Robert Alan Soloway, since it's too late to get Karl Rove for his direct mail fodder.

Politics, politics, and soccer. Where's an Italian man crying for his mama when you need one?

The thing about Michael Vick and dog fighting is, the NFL recruits brutes, and turns them into animals. Ray Lewis? Pacman Jones? Bill Romanowski?

Bruce Jenkins suggests that these guys play together on the Bad News Bearz. I just hope Papa Sheffield can keep them away from Elijah Dukes.

And Mark Cuban and a Google exec want to challenge the NFL's supremacy? Iiinteresting...

-Zed

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"No thought, no idea, can possibly be conveyed as an idea from one person to another."
-John Dewey

Bush, Miss USA tougher than Armando

George W. Bush talks tough, and sanctions Sudan for Darfur atrocities. It's not like the man thought of it himself, but still -- good to see.

Incidently, an obscure National Security Directive is passed, saying that in case of emergency, Bush becomes "Super-Mega Lord Decider?"

Dictator?

Oh, kay! In other news...

Why go to Stanford (or the Army) when you don't belong to Stanford (or the Army)?

Presumably because it's more expensive than Cal.

More in the South Bay: the 49ers are creeping closer to the $200 million mark -- in how much they're asking from the City of Santa Clara. If I were a Santa Claran, I'd be giddy, too -- but these things rarely work out well for the municipality.

Meanwhile, hard to stay off local baseball. Today's Red Herring goes to Armando Benitez, who at least seems like a decent guy. An overly sensitve guy, to be sure, with a heart of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (With apologies to Miss USA, who did a great job recovering after literally falling on her ass in the Miss Universe pageant.)

But last night's game typifies it -- up a run, it's Walk-Balk-Bunt-Balk to score the tying run, Home Run to end it.

End it. Please, Brian Sabean -- end it.

-Zed

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“The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.”
-Jacques Benigne Bossuel

Putting the "Eeeen" in Justine

What you didn't know:

Justin.tv is a huge hit, one of those things you think you've heard about before, where a guy straps a camera to his head and airs it 24/7.

What sets Justin apart appears to be that he's a (1) interesting, bright (2) webby nerdy. I'm sure my roommate's a groupie.

What else you didn't know:

This girl -- aptly named Justine, the graphic designer daughter of, apparently, a gym teacher and a coal miner in Pittsburgh -- is the heir apparent star Justin Kan has been looking for (launching today, under the name "iJustine.") Yes, the ball cap has a camera on it.

Hey, after double-checking the photo, I might stop in for a few peeks.

-Zed

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"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other."
-Ann Landers

Greenland makes its point

People who notice, have noticed that Greenland has started dumping twice as much as into the ocean lately. Meanwhile, the first thing Bush did was pull out of the Kyoto treaty.

If Bush, Sr. had pulled out, of course, we wouldn't have that particular problem...

And if you like a great conspiracy theory, here's another chance to click that Bush, Sr. link.

You mean a Bush and a Bin Laden were conducting a business meeting when the planes hit the towers?

Okay, enough of that. We've already established that Bush is the Red Herring record holder. Moments like this are why sports were invented.

But, seeing as I don't want to enter the Yankee-centric world of Jason Giambi's admission fallout or Roger Clemens presumed guilt...


Better yet, how about probing the artistic, semi-conscious recesses of the mind?

And that's what I have for you on a Tuesday morning.

By the way, want to hear the first-ever album from a 70-some year old music maven? Check out Peter Gammons' album. Not just for the novelty, it's a staple in my rotation.

-Zed

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"Don't play what's there, play what's not there."
-Miles Davis

Not the happiest baseball stories

Litigious society meets drunk society:

As you may recall from a few weeks back, St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Josh Hancock got drunk after a game and killed himself rear-ending a tow truck after midnight. A tragedy, to be sure, that shook a team already riled from Darryl Kile's sudden passing. And just look at what he did to that lovely car.

Now Hancock's father is suing the restaurant that served his son the drinks. On first blush, I don't have a great deal of sympathy for either side (legally). Most at fault is whomever knew about Hancock in enough time to help, which is why manager Tony LaRussa feels so bad...

Litigious society meets punk society:

As CBS Sportsline's Scott Miller tells us, troubled Tampa Bay rookie Elijah Dukes has found a unique way to stay in the majors: his last two minor league teams refuse to take him back.

Dukes, who allegedly texted his estranged wife, a schoolteacher, this photo (then told her to check her texts) also left her a message saying: Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshittin'. Your kids too, dawg... As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your motherfuckin' house.

Of course, Dukes also has eight home runs and the world's most powerful labor union behind him, so he's here until he Maurice Claretts himself out.

When I think of Tampa, I still think of the sad story of Doc Gooden. Why does no one have problems in Saint Pete?

-Zed

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"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."
-Joseph Stalin

My blood runs cold: Topps being sold

It seems Topps, the venerable baseball card company, is up for grabs. It's too bad; our memories are being sold, as well (My angel is the centerfold!) I must say, I never did get the etopps concept -- real money paid for imaginary cards you can't turn over or stain with gum. For those wondering: this is what it means to grow up American.


Meanwhile, Upper Deck, in an effort to dominate the trading card market, actually made an unsolicited bid for the company well in excess of Michael Eisner's. Folks my generation still remember Upper Deck as the spiffy new kid on the block, which means -- hang on, I have to go take my Alzheimer's meds.

In politics, a record-setting 4,125th Red Herring to your president (I sure didn't vote for him), George W. Bush. Bush was warned by advisors that, after an Iraq invasion, Al Qaida would use Iraq as a recruiting ground, and Iran would try to leverage the region.

In the face of this evidence, Bush says he still "firmly believes the world is better off without Saddam Hussein in power." Making Bush the only president to live in a vacuum since Hoover.

Get it? Hoover.

-Zed

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“The enemy isn’t conservatism. The enemy isn’t liberalism. The enemy is bullshit."
-Lars-Erik Nelson

Wage hike quietly passes

So, Congress approved -- and President Bush will sign the first federal minimum wage hike in nearly a decade -- a boost over more than $2 per hour.

The story provides an interesting, if confounding, glimpse at the American political process: Democrats pushed hard for it, and the White House against it (it's been decades since Republicans supported a wage boost) but in the end, the Dems stuck it on a "must-pass" bill, along with some business tax breaks the White House also doesn't like.

So in the end, you have Democrats approving tax breaks, and Republicans opposing them; an article that says Bush will sign despite disliking both measures involved (see which way the wind now blows?) because of a must-pass item that's not described at all.

If you're confused, hey, so am I.

Red Herring thrown straight up in the air. The guy cleaning it up now gets $7.25 for his efforts.

-Zed

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"It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor."
-D.H. Lawrence

Names in the news

This is a blatant crib from NewsOfTheWeird.com. Red Herring to myself.

The 41-year-old woman charged with assault in February, in a suburb of Tampa, Fla., after she allegedly grabbed a high-heeled shoe and smacked her boyfriend in the head several times: Kari Barefoot. [Tampa Tribune, 2-11-07]

The name dog breeders apparently give to the increasingly common crossbreed of a shih tzu with a bulldog (according to a March story in London's Guardian): bullshih. [The Guardian, 3-10-07]


There's also a piece about marrying a goat that you should really check out.

Oh, and while we're having a goofy day:

CowsWithGuns.com

-Zed

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"Milk the cow, but do not pull off the udder."
-Greek Proverb

Humming at an end?

Hummer Bummer?

The first private citizen to own a Hummer? My Governor and yours, Arnold Schwazenegger. (Dead Red Fish to that man.) And now there's word that someone, perhaps on his way to the dealership right now, will soon be the last.


Yes, you do remember me publishing a piece on this. Now it seems there were finally enough protests about the actual illegality of them on California roads, the immorality of their environmental impact, and-

...What?

Apparently that wasn't it.

Apparently, sales were down.

Oh, well. To borrow the title of the Giants' 1987 team video: Humm Baby, It Was Fun.

Virgin Airs:

It looks like Virgin America is finally American enough for American lobbyists -- I mean, lawmakers.

Will non-American Richard Branson topple another industry?

Meanwhile, here I am, blogging to you (shh!) from the Giants press box. I'm actually watching two of the greatest centerfielders of all time -- Willie Mays and Condoleezza Rice -- chat each other up in owner Peter Magowan's box.

The presscateers all wanted to know whether the a crowd would boo Condi (line of the night: Condi is the woman Bush always hoped Colin Powell would become.) They never got the chance; she stayed safely off the JumboTron and in Willie's lap.

[Editor's note: they did get their chance when she left the game, escorted up Aisle 121 by her Secret Service detail, in the 8th inning -- to beat parking, presumably. The lefties did not disappoint, booing her roundly.]

Politics make strange bedfellows.

-Zed

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"I loved the game. I loved the competition. But I never had any fun."
-Carl Yastrzemski

Let's get stoned and play work games?

Blogging from a Windows interface. This is weird...

And how about a big Red Herring to those with too much time on their hands, and not nearly enough hobbies. Yes, in yet another great example of irony, IBM has made a video game in which the user simulates the making of business software.

Yah.

OK, it actually sounds pretty cool -- it's skill-building, for one, which you can't exactly say about Grand Theft Auto, and (get out those glasses) it's in 3-D.

It also sounds a darn sight more complex than the game we're playing for class, which I dare say is plenty hard enough.

Okay! How 'bout some sports, then!

It seems tech has come to the Olympics -- surely this has happened somewhere before, but this one has rockets. Apparently, in the event of rain, China plans to launch a ground-to-air attack against the offending cloud.

I'm thinking: Thor would have loved the Olympics.


By the way, thanks to all of you new crew for stopping by; it surely is appreciated. Just one question: where the heck is Petaling Jaya?

-Zed

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"The comic book [is] the marijuana of the nursery, the bane of the bassinet, the horror of the home..."
-John Mason Brown

What blogging is all about

For those of you who haven't yet been exposed to this yet (and why have my numbers dropped in Manhattan... Matthew?!) you get to click this choice vid, right here, right now.



A friendly Red Snapper (we were all out of Herring) to OK Go, for making terrific use of user-generated sites, instead of bitching about privacy rights.

(Those who've already seen the vid, don't forget to go to YouTube or the OK Go site for Go-inspired user-generated dance routines!)

And, for those who missed it: the Bay to Breakers happened again.

It's like trying to explain the rain.

Or pizza.

-Zed

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"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
-Franklin D. Roosevelt

But cake is ironic?

For those of you cribbing for Mrs. Williams' 6th grade English, a few examples of what's ironic:

The fact that Alanis Morissette's song Ironic is not ironic... is ironic.

The fact that Gmail has a spell-check function, which does not recognize the word "internet"... is ironic.

(A rare Red Herring Today to Google, who should bloody well know better.)

In Good Will Hunting, Robin Williams' character offers to buy Prof. Lambeau a drink at an upcoming reunion, and Lambeau retorts that drinks are free at such events. Williams responds, "I was being ironical."

By the way, if you for some reason (don't like horsey-faced women? Sheryl Crow will be angry) did not click on that Alanis link above, I'd really recommend reconsidering. Here's a consolation click.

Don't thank me now, with cake. Thank me later.

-Zed

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"If it's a big record, that's the frosting on the cake, but music's the main meal."
-Ray Charles

Obligatory Falwell-NASCAR post

Jerry Fallwell died. Good thing Mark Morford always has something to say. Falwell, if you'll pardon the comparison, was to the Religious Right what Neil Young was to grunge.


Thanks, Jer'.

Not to speak ill of the dead, so I'll give him this: he was great as himself in The People Vs. Larry Flynt.

(Oops: that wasn't him!)

The WNBA enters its second decade trying to make news. How's this for news: whoopee-doo. We're all behind Title IX; it's just that if you're running it out there as professional sports now, we want it to be... um... entertaining.

In other news, broadcast golf and NASCAR still exist, so I'm obviously missing something.

Oh -- and speaking of sports that aren't interesting, have you seen the extra-weird cycling news today? The stage is the dirt-dry Floyd Landis doping hearings, and the scandal involves threats of revelations of sexual abuse of former champions... I'll let you read the piece.

Work's on overtime so I'm out for today. Peas.

-Zed

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"If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
-Jerry Falwell

MLB Network is born

This is big. Sen. Kerry: rescue us!







From Eric Fisher, who tracks such things for the Sports Business Journal:

MLB owners today approved the league's contracts with DirecTV and 35 other MSOs for the distribution of the Extra Innings out-of-market package and launch of the MLB Network. The channel, now carrying that name, has a planned start of January 1, 2009, with early plans to carry 26 live, non-exclusive MLB games on Saturday nights.

The network, jump-started by this year's often fractious negotiations with cable’s InDemand consortium and others, will launch in at least 46.9 million homes. That would make it by far the most successful channel start in cable TV history, surpassing MSNBC, which launched in '96 in 28 million homes.

...The channel is two-thirds owned by MLB, with 16.67% of the equity held by DirecTV and the remaining amount split proportionally between InDemand partners Comcast, Time Warner and Cox.

(Incidently, MLB just approved the sale of the Atlanta Braves to Liberty Media, who's all over DirecTV and pretty much everything else.


The NFL network has already had its ups and downs. MLB has done an awful lot of dealing on these topics in recent months; it will be interesting to see how this compares.

Time will tell.

-Zed

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"Television: A medium; so called because it is neither rare nor well done."
-Ernie Kovacs

This is my post - so nu?

A couple simple links today from your humble blogger!

* No, David Eckstein is not Jewish. But if you listened to the Adam Sandler song, you'll know: Rod Carew is (he converted). Okay, so maybe Carew isn't.
http://jewishmajorleaguers.org/

The good news is, Carew can rest easy knowing Danny Glover will do a great job playing him in the biopic -->

* Google vs. Viacom: from the top turnbuckle, and you, the consumer, asked for it.

* Social Media Club meets tonight in San Francisco -- but is the (corporate) Townsend Street location a little suspect?

* I have to shout out baseball blogger Maury Brown by name -- follow the links for some cool "every stadium now being built" stuff -- including this billion-dollar Jerry Jones propoganda piece...


Red Herring on principle to Jones, the most self-important man this side of Curt Schilling.

* Surprised you have back problems so young? Don't be...

* Speaking of which, Grannies who are Gamers? Why not? My Granny's already a balla'!

* And, just for the heck of it: Tofutti Cuties! You had no idea that nasty-ass bean curd could be so good. Seriously, a head-scratchingly good snack any time!

And, you know; you could stand to lose a few.

-Zed

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“A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.”
-Elbert Hubbard

Chicago 2016 logo torched

Breaking news:

It seems Chicago's successful (to date) 2016 Olympic bid has violated a simple rule: you can't say "Olympic," you can't show "Olympic," and you can't use any Olympic related imagery, basically ever.

The Oly's are extremely protective of their brand -- the better, of course, to put the squeeze on sponsors every two years -- and have asked Chicago to redo their logo, sans Olympic torch.

Said Chicago: "But I worked all afternoon on that!" No, seriously, do you realize how much design goes into that stuff?

A stanky Red Herring to whatever Chicagoan forgot to dot that 'i.'

Oh well -- for a bid proposing to build, and then tear down, an 80,000-person stadium in a matter of months -- I guess it could be worse.

And, in Tech:

News in the negative, as Apple is not delaying launch on its iPhone and Leopard releases later this year.

Kind of interesting that someone has apparently been able to send actual Apple-looking emails through actual Apple internal channels.

Stay tuned to find out whether iPhone reviews could possibly live up to the hype.

-Zed

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"I am building a fire, and everyday I train, I add more fuel. At just the right moment, I light the match."
-Mia Hamm

A blow for Wolfowitz

...Which was also the headline for the Chronicle's online piece in which the Bush White House, in a rare move, is slowly distancing itself from the original "architect" of the Iraq War. I was hoping the "blow" was the kind that's guaranteed to cause a shitstorm in that particular arena.

(Just a thought: what do Iraqis call it? The War of American Aggression, or something like that. Which, if you think for even a moment, tends to confuse it with lots of other wars.)

In other War Czar news, the Bushies finally have a new one: one of those former generals finally said yes. A big Red Herring to Lt. Gen. Douglas Lute. Yes, its best to buy in low, and sell high. But when a spate of good military men start saying no to their president, you have to wonder why.

(Incidently, Lieutenant General? They couldn't find anyone with full rank?)

This one's oldish, but hey, I just found out about it: the family behind In-N-Out Burger, famous for treating their workers fairly and printing bible chapter and verse on their soda cups, have lost their matriarch. Will the company go corporate, and can it continue to stand apart?


In other business news, JetBlue has ridden an admirable business model to mid-sized success, but faces an identity crisis. After the ouster of the quirky entrepreneur who set them apart in the first place, another corporate question mark looms.

Why so much business today? Dunno. I did crib some of these ideas from class last night.

Tomorrow: half-naked girls dancing on tables.

Woo-hoo!

-Zed

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"You can drag a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
-Dorothy Parker (asked to use "horticulture" in a sentence)

Mooning over it all

Thoughts over my Cheerios (no relation to Moons Over My Hammy)...


No real surprise: MySpace launches a dozen video channels...

Good company, bad company: in hindsight, Oracle got an absolute bargain on naming the Warriors' arena. For all the mentions of Oracle over national air in recent weeks, the Warriors actually see less than $2 mil a year...

And, just for the heck of it: Bill Clinton is making campaign ads for Hillary, while not bothering to hide his new squeeze. There's hope yet for Newsom.

Rest easy.

-Zed

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"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base."
-Dave Barry

This one's right up my alley

...Almost literally.

Yes, it's the growable mushroom house.

Where does he get this stuff?

Let's just say Google's targeted banner ads are even better than you think!

Odd Sighting of the Week:

A fun story over Thanh Long crab and garlic noodles for Mother's Day dinner last night. Apparently my sister went to an LGBT function recently (meaning lesbian, gay, yadda, and yadda) where she met, of all people, much-derided 49ers owner John York.

York was being led around by the fun-lovin', gay, proud new pappy and San Francisco Supervisor Bevan Dufty (don't tell him I said so, but lose the goatee).

A big Red Fish out of water here, as the erstwhile bungler -- meaning York, of course -- was said to look extremely out of place, and more than a little stiff.

It's a great image. Yellows, purples, plenty of house music, and presumably dabbles of meth all around.

This man was born a stiff. Then he grew up to be a pathologist.

-Zed

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"Reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with, and then the different branches of arithmetic -- ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision."
-The Mock Turtle, Alice in Wonderland

You did what to whom?

Okay, so some of you know that I've been fighting Mac-based battles against a PC-based simulation game assigned for my class. I've finally managed to bridge the famed gap -- because the new Macs (you remember, with the Intel processors) can actually run Windows without a hitch.

Just one more thing that Mr. Mac can do, that Mr. PC cannot do in reverse.

You weekend techies can get this done one of (at least) two ways; both involve "partitioning" your hard drive. That's what it sounds like: you reserve some disk space (a minimum of 5 GB, up to half the drive or more; you control how much) to run the second platform, while your friendly, well-loved, vastly superior Mac OSX patiently snoozes.

Here's how:

Way 1: Download Mac's Boot Camp and install it. Once you've done this, you can hold down the Option key as your computer boots, and get a prompt asking if you'd like to run the Mac OS, or Windows.

Way 2: There's another program called Parallels that actually lets you run the enemy's OS from your desktop, as if it were a regular program.

And if you have one of the very newest Apples, the ones with the dual core processors, it will also wash, wax, and detail your car.

-Zed

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"Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works."
-Steve Jobs

WHAT?!

WHAT?!



HOO-WHEE That's Funky!


To punctuate a deeply impressive performance (just watch the highlights!) Baron Davis unleashed the absolute smelliest dunk of the season over an astonished Andrei Kirilenko. Said Kirilenko (really): "At least I got on the poster."

You've got to think that, in the mind of both teams on today's off day, the Warriors have pocketed Game 4, and are happily back to figuring out how to steal one in Utah.

Meanwhile, with the game decided and the crowd already beside itself, Baron's dunk was a top-of-my-lungs statement, and perhaps the best signature moment since Vince Carter answered the musical question, "Who could leap over a seven-foot man in the middle of a game?" or John Starks' improbable playoff jam.

It's just insane what these guys can do.

-Zed

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“People ask me if I could fly; I said, 'Yeah.... for a little while.'"
-Michael Jordan

Alternative fuels: just the beginning

Why would I read about a revolutionary new technology, said to be every bit as good as hybrids, and lament, "You know the oil industry is behind this?"

Because, quite simply, the "intelligent" (telematic) car is based on conventional fuel.

[Sure enough, I revisit the article for more details, and am delayed by a Shell banner ad!]

The way telematics work: they "look ahead" to predict and avoid traffic slow-downs and restarts. And of course, the more of these telematic cars are on the road doing this, according to Their calculations, the better they will work, until they've actually surpassed hybrids, although they look ahead only a few seconds.

It just goes to show you, They produce the bare minimum to consumers, until a competetive alternative comes up.

Again, more on this to come.

-Zed

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“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”
-Oscar Wilde

Fewer bats, but they've got some balls

Don't Take My Bat, Mister, Please!

One example of how baseball mirrors politics: the lobbyists from Easton, Rawlings, and other "ping"-inducing batmakers have gathered a formidable group of coaches and players to decry a New York City ban on metal bats.

The campaign -- shamelessly called "Don't Take My Bat Away" -- rankles purists and safety gurus by claiming there's absolutely no concrete reason to switch to wood. A supervisorial veto says otherwise... for now.

So which one am I?

With Barry Bonds within ten homers of Aaron's cherished record, the rhetoric is finally heating up. Says Curt Schilling, the world's foremost expert on everything: "There's good people and bad people."

After which he tucked in reporters with a "Nighty-night," and explained reasonably that their mommy still loved them very much and all the yelling was "just something grown-ups do"...

MLB to broadcast draft.

I grant you, this news is treated with the footnote status it deserves. Drafted players, with a few exceptions, are in no danger of seeing top-level exposure for two or three years; understandably, only the earliest part of the draft will be aired. Still, if you're the MLB and envy the NFL, you have to be happy with the news.

Commentary:

We've wondered this for years, but how is it that ESPN's Rob Neyer still has a job? Red Herring to the big, tough industry leaders who cower in the presence of a nerdy-enough stathead. Today's headline from Rob -- seriously: Adding Clemens Should Help Yanks.

And, in breaking local news: hot weather is hot.

Coming soon, by request, from a fat guy on a bike: alternatives to alternative fuels.

-Zed

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"My guiding principle is this: Guilt is never to be doubted."
-Franz Kafka

Clemens, other dinos unearthed

MLS Earthquakes to partner with Niners? Stay tuned...

82-foot dinosauruses...

Clemens can be bought (for $28 mil, you could too)...

In local news, part of the downed freeway connector reopened today, roughly nine years faster than it did after the '89 Quake...

The Giants' Tim Lincecum was a college star a year ago; yesterday he struck out the side in his first major league inning. Of course, he was already down 2-0...

And that's a rap. Stay tuned for the 94-foot dinos tomorrow!

-Zed

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"Leadership involves finding a parade and getting in front of it."
-John Naisbitt

Hill to Bush: your war deauthorized

Hillary Clinton and the esteemed Robert Byrd have come up with a new way to combat the administration on Iraq: very simply, they've written a bill stating that the Senate's ill-advised authorization to invade in October 2002 shall expire after five years.

It postures the Seante as a deciding body again (since they blew it the first time) and means the administration can't talk about "pullouts" and "artificial timetables" without a measure of responsibility.

A five year old and stinky Red Herring to Congress, for rolling over doggystyle in the first place. But, this represents the best in election year maneuvering, if you ask me. It actually holds both sides more accountable.

-Zed

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"Your finest clothes are those you wear as soldiers."
-Virginia Woolf

You can't argue with results!

In Your Sleep:

I'm actually really sleepy. So just trust me that this article on sleep is really interesting: [click.]

In Sports:

After a slew of injuries, the A's have become so short on outfielders, they actually traded "future considerations" for one last week -- Chris Denorfia -- who'd just had elbow ligament replacement surgery and is out for the season.

For more "future considerations" -- you can tell these are primo players, right? -- they picked up Ryan Langerhans from the Atlanta Braves on Monday.

Langerhans will, without question, go down as the worst player in A's history.

See, he joined the team in Boston and played Tuesday; he was hitless in four at-bats, including two strikeouts, and dropped a ball for an error in centerfield. After which he was traded away for another outfielder, Chris Snelling of the Nationals, the next day.

Snelling could actually develop into a player; he's a nothing-but-mash guy in the minors who's had a long series of serious leg injuries. Other than that, he could pay off -- but if he's a little jetlagged on arrival, he may not last long enough for us to find out.

Let's just be thankful they're not short on left-handed pitchers.

-Zed

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"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?"
-Robert Browning

Yanks, Apple founder

It seems Apple, who normally gets practically a free pass on security, is having major issues with QuickTime, its media player. It's bad enough that experts are worried that experts could use the company's recent fix of a gaping QuickTime-Javascript error to reverse engineer hacks, putting millions of iPod users at risk.

The U.S.-CERT gave the vulnerability a 10 out of 10 points in its risk-rating scale. That's before the fix/hack issue.

In Sports, Red Herring to a twenty-year-old hamstring. The 'string belongs to uber-prospect Phillip Hughes, who defied recent Yankee tradition by holding the Rangers scoreless and even hitless into the seventh inning, before succumbing to another recent Yankee trend, and leaving with the injury.

Yanks GM Brian Cashman: "We seem to be getting hit every day." Hughes could be out a month or more. This is part of why there was internal pressure not to summon the talented Hughes in the first place.

Meanwhile, improbable opening day starter Carl Pavano, languishing on the DL, continues to have credibility problems.

Chien-Meng Wang is the best thing they have going, not only from a baseball standpoint, but for international public relations. MLB continues to develop its Taiwanese interests, including a new website that doubles as a dry run for China. Stay tuned on this one; using Taiwan's western-friendlier enterprise to sidle up to the Chinese economy looks like a major strategy.

As for China itself: everyone's chasing the NBA on this one.

-Zed

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"My dear boy, if God had intended for us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates."
-Willy Wonka

Political football on steroids

As columnists go, you gotta love SF Chron writer Gwen Knapp. This gem from her today, on the budding Mets' clubhouse steroid brouhaha -- which, by the way, could very well be the biggest thing since the original BALCO raid:

The Attorney General supports torturing people who have never been convicted of a crime, so why does the Justice Department balk at embarrassing an elite athlete? This isn't reasonable discretion. It's jock-sniffing. It calls to mind all the times that an athlete has been let off for a crime and then signed autographs for the judge and jury.

Excellent context. It reminds us that the Bud Seligs of the worlds... and the George Mitchells (former Senate Majority Leader now in charge of ferreting out alleged Bad Guys)... and the Federal Prosecutors are different animals, with very different motives and constituencies.

So when you ask, "Will they get Bonds," or, "Will they get anyone else" -- (and, hopefully, "Is anyone asking that last question?") -- remember that much of it depends on your definition of 'they.'

-Zed

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"It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is."
-Bill Clinton

SF 2020 Olympics

http://kcbs.com/pages/400516.php?contentType=4&contentId=452074

An absolute, positive, guaran-goddamn-teed reality.

Oy vey.

-Zed

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"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
-Groucho Marx

This guy didn't study

http://www.scribd.com/doc/5107/They-didnt-study

-Zed

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"Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: rich and thick."
-Samuel Beckett

Bay Area sports scene on the rise

Let's start narrow and pan out.

For starters, of course, the Warriors had the Mavs completely dead from the opening tip last night, and the nation is finally starting to go, "Uh, what?"

The sea of yellow shirts was a truly gratifying sight.

The 49ers, it is said, will trade for SEA WR Darrell Jackson. A fourth round pick? That's a steal. This guy went for about 1,000 yards with 10 TD's last year. He and Ashlie Lelie, plus perhaps a draft pick, and Vernon Davis healthy? How nice for Mr. Smith.

Meanwhile, this year's draft (as well as next) will remind the older Faithful of the Bill Walsh "Genius" drafts of yore.

The Sharkies, of course are swimming through the playoff chum.

The A's are always in it, and the Giants sure look a sight better than a week ago.

Plus, the Earthquakes are on the way. (Yes, the Spartan Stadium deal appears dead, but Lew Wolff will stoke other embers.)

Of course, the whole sports world is bleeding into Silicon Valley, and away from the Area's known hubs.

But perhaps that's the price for continued success.

And for the rest of you... there's always JaMarcus Russell.

-Zed

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"If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host."
-Gabriel Heatter

Living in XS

Think your house, apartment, or condo is too small?

I'm betting it's more than 40 square feet.

Yeah, 40.

And if you think yours is a tad pricey month-to-month, how's around a thousand bucks -- on down to a sale model for $20 -- out the door? So to speak, of course.

The website is TumbleweedHousing.com, and the builder is an artist-type named Jay Shafer.

I just got a little more ashamed of my closet.

And, in Literature, a wee dollop of Red Herring to the lady author who wrote an entire website on top of her refrigerator.

No, not really. She wrote some of it on her stove.

Who, me? Yeah, I'm creative. I spent the last two days filming a fat guy riding a bike.

-Zed

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"Housekeeping ain't no joke."
-Louisa May Alcott

Skateboard Holmes! says it all

NBA:
Headline today: Kansas' Rush meets with Self. I guess he's preparing for the "refer to yourself in the third person" press conference.

Meanwhile, the Warriors find their own unique way of announcing they've given up on a game. How will they fare with their nose finally bloodied? I don't know, but I'll be sitting down front tomorrow night...

NFL:
Ever been thoroughly ashamed of a QB who runs a 4.4 40? Check out this ESPN story, in which you'll find this gem:

"The Humane Society of the United States has heard troubling reports for some time that Michael Vick has been involved in organized dog fighting, and we fear that this investigation may validate that very disturbing allegation."

No, Michael does not get a Red Herring. We're saving them all for the poor damn dogs.

Also: How does the NFL Draft get such insane coverage? Do you know it's April? Do you know what the show is? And yet, once again, you're perversely intrigued by Kansas City's fourth round options...

Finally, in local, a friend emails to complain about the writer of this rather bizarre piece, an ad hoc obit on a fellow by the handle of Skateboard Holmes.

Don't be offended, B-Money. Yes, it's an article on a fatality written in a disturbingly offhand way.

Little ol' Nevius left the sports section years ago, to be a Local Interest columnist several adorable years behind the story. He's harmless.

We should all -- even Skateboard -- be so blessed.

-Zed

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"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

A poliblog day

I'm afraid it's one of those days. Red Herring to anyone with a tie and a campaign button. (I'm so glad I don't do this every day! My poli brother must be crazy.)

As Iraq defies the odds by worseneing, Democrats are looking at dragging Condi Rice into the Bush / Gonzalez / We finally have some politcal clout, so were getting political / hearings. Rice makes Hillary Clinton look like Carmen Miranda.


Bush handlers are claiming the President didn't know the truth about Pat Tillman's death. For just this sort of eventuality, one imagines.

The thing about the culture of fear, that leads to such apocolyptic satires as the many fine works of George Orwell, or 2005's V for Vendetta, is that it begins with real enemies.

-Zed

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"There are two kinds of light -- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures."
-James Thurber